Long Overdue
by luli27
Summary: John and Teyla have an overdue conversation. Fits into my Life after the SGC universe, right between Chapter 4 & 5. Not necessary to read that one, but better if you do. JT.
1. Conversations by the Fire

**Long Overdue**

**A/N**: This is something I thought about while I was writting Chapter 4 of 'Life arfter the SGC'. I debated whether to put it there but decided to write a separate story so I could really get into it. The beginning will seem to be mostly about Vala, put bear with me, it'll turn into Teyla and John soon. For those that life Vala, I'll continue that thread in Chap. 5 of LaS. I get into why Teyla stayed at the SGC because when I think about it, I find that they never really gave a satisfactory answer, so I wrote my own.

**Disclaimer**: Neither the characters nor the basic premise belongs to me; I'm just playing with them for my own amusement and those of others, making no money whatsoever out of it.

**Chapter 1: Conversation by the Fire**

"I hope he feels about her the way she feels about him," Teyla Emmagan said jolting Colonel John Sheppard from his contemplation of the fire they were sitting around.

"Who do you mean?" He asked as he shifted to follow her glance to where Dr. Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran were sitting a few yards further down. They were sitting side by side around their own fire; Jackson had his legs bent and his elbows resting on his knees while Vala had both his arms around his right arm and her legs were straight out from her but turned into Jackson's body – in other words, she was pretty much cuddle into the archeologist, her favorite position it seemed.

They both seemed to be listening to whatever it was that Halling was telling them. Well, while John was pretty sure that Jackson was paying close attention to Halling what Vala was doing was anyone's guess. Though it was a save bet that whatever was being said was going in one ear and out the other, what actually went on in her mind was a mystery – not only because she was a woman, Elizabeth was a woman, and John understood,(ok, somewhat) her thought process, nor was it because she was an alien, because Ronon was an alien and John understood _his_ thought process better than Elizabeth's and not even because she was a woman _and_ an alien because Teyla was both and John understood her better than the other two (most of the time). No, Vala's mind was a mystery because she was unique individual, as beautiful as she was perplexing. The only one to have inkling on how her mind worked appeared to be Jackson; and what that said about _his_ mind John didn't even want to speculate.

"Jackson?" He asked just to be clear. At her nod, he shrugged. "I don't see why you would worry. They seemed to be attached at the hip most of the time."

Teyla had been living among the Atlantis so long, that she had no problem understanding most of their idioms. "That does not mean anything, John. Besides, have you not noticed that it is always she that is initiating the contact? Always she that looks for him?"

The look on his face made it obvious that he had not noticed it. He shrugged again and said, "Ok, so he doesn't initiate contact, some people are more demonstrative than others. And a lot of people from Earth, especially from the US, are not really comfortable with PDA's." At her blank look, he clarified, "public displays of affection. And he may not initiate them but he never rebuffs or stops her."

"No," Teyla shook her head. "But there is a difference between accepting and initiating."

"Maybe," John had to agree.

"And while he may not stop her, I have rarely seen him actually reciprocating."

"Like I said, some people are just not that demonstrative. And, I don't think he would let her get away with half the stuff she does if he didn't feel anything towards her." He argued.

"Oh, I am not saying he does not feel something for her. I am sure he does. I just hope it is as much as what she feels for him."

He turned to look at her and with yet another shrug said, "It's always difficult to tell these things, but I don't think you have anything to worry." He then paused and asked, "Why are you worried about this all of the sudden?"

It was Teyla's turn to shrugged, "I just would not want to see her hurt."

John snorted and said, "Jackson is not the kind of man who would hurt a woman."

"Not intentionally, no." Teyla agreed. "But without intending it? Anyone is capable of that."

He studied her more closely and said slowly in realization, "You're really worried about this. Why?"

"She is my friend," Teyla said simply.

"I didn't know you two had gotten that close. I thought you said she was hard to get to know."

"She is," Teyla agreed. "It is just recently that we have gotten to know each other better."

John nodded; he had noticed that the two women had gotten closer in the last few weeks. They've gotten along fine since the moment that Vala arrived with Jackson about six months ago; it had probably had something to do with the fact that they were two of the three aliens that resided permanently in Atlantis and the only women.

But while they've always gotten along, it hasn't been until lately that they've really started to spend most of their off-time together. And frankly, John wasn't really sure how to feel about it. Sure, he was happy that she had more friends than just the team and that she'd integrated so well to Atlantis society but at the same time he couldn't help but be a bit jealous that he wasn't the only person she spent most of her off-time with.

Besides, other than the fact that the two were women and came from planets other than Earth, the two were as different as day from night. He really couldn't see how or why they got along as well as they did. And as much as he liked Vala, he did _not_ want her to be too much of an influence on Teyla. He lo . . . liked Teyla just the way she was and didn't want to see her change any more than she had already.

"That's good, Teyla. It's good to have friends," John said. "But everyone in a relationship runs the risk of getting hurt, you know that. It's a risk we all run."

"I know," Teyla agreed. "But some run a greater risk because they risk more – they have more to lose and a greater chance of getting hurt."

John was quite for a moment and then asked, "You think Vala has more to lose than Jackson? That she's more likely to be hurt?" He couldn't help the disbelieving tone of his voice; if anyone had asked him who had more to lose or was more likely to be hurt in that relationship, his first answer would have been Jackson.

"Why does that surprise you?" Teyla asked with a small frown.

"Because," he started to answer and then realized that he wasn't sure what to say. "Well, let's just say that given her history . . ."

Teyla's frown grew before she sighed and said, "She has not had an easy life, John, and she might have done things she is not particularly proud of, but that doe snot mean she is a bad person."

"No, of course not," agreed John. "I never said she was; in fact, I think she's great. I really like her. But it's just hard to believe that she's the more vulnerable of the two, that's all." He said with a shrug. "She always seems so confident and sure of herself."

Teyla nodded. "And she usually is, but she is also a very sensitive person underneath. And the situation," she added with a wave of her hand, "does make her more vulnerable than Dr. Jackson."

"The situation?" John asked. "What do you mean?"

It was Teyla turn to shrug as she answered. "Just that she left everything she knew behind to come here just to be with him. She left everything familiar to follow him into the unknown because she loves him."

"But he left everything he knew behind too. This is just as unknown for him as it is for her."

"Not really," Teyla shook her head in denial. "This maybe another galaxy but the expedition is from Earth. We follow _his_ customs and _his_ rules. All the people in charge are not only from his country but also from the command in which he has worked for the last ten plus years. No," she decided with another shake of her head. "This is really not that unknown for him. Even if it was, this is what he is always dreamed of – his dream job."

"Ok," John conceded since he couldn't very well dispute it. "You're right. But still, I don't think Vala left that much behind. She's been with the SGC for the past two years and is pretty familiar with Earth and its customs, so this is not really new. And really what has she's given up? What did she have before coming to the SGC? A life spent on the run; always having to be a step ahead of everyone. What kind of a life what that? It mustn't have been a good one because she did give it up."

"Whether it was good or not, it was her life. And she went to the SGC to help stop the Ori and Adria."

"But she stayed when that was done."

"Yes, because she had fallen in love with him by then." Teyla paused and then continued. "You are right it was not that great a life, she knows that. She also knows that being here is not bad at all. I am not arguing that it is. I am just saying that I hope he loves her as much as I know she loves him. If he does not, she is going to be really hurt. She would not just lose him but the new life she has been making for herself."

"Why?" John asked, once again completely surprised. "I mean I know she'd be hurt if they don't work out; I'm sure both of them would be. But whether they do work out or not, doesn't have anything to do with Vala's place with us. She's a part of the SGC -regardless of her relationship with Jackson. She's proven she's a great asset and a loyal person; she's here because of that and not because of him. She's also made friends, both here and on Earth. Her life here, among us, does not depend on whether she's with Jackson or not."

"Maybe not," Teyla conceded. "But do you really think she would stay around if things do not work out between them?"

John thought about it and then answered. "Maybe not here in Pegasus. But she could go back to Earth; I'm sure they'd love to have her back in the mountain. And if she didn't want that, I'm sure Sam and General O'Neill would find something else for her. I know they both really like and respect her."

Teyla just nodded and John shook his head.

"You really shouldn't worry so . . ." He trailed off and then he said, "Wait a minute, here. You're not comparing yourself to Vala, are you?" His tone was disbelieving because he could not believe that such a thing would even crossed her mind, but there was something in her tone of voice that made him think maybe she did.

Teyla's silence was the only answer he needed. "Oh, come on, Teyla! You two are completely different!"

"Perhaps," she allowed. "But our situations are remarkably similar."

"No, they are not." John denied, empathically. "For one thing, you're from this galaxy. You didn't follow anyone to a new one."

Teyla inclined her head in acknowledgment but argued, "I may not have gone to another galaxy, but Atlantis and life in it are so different from Athos, that sometimes it feels like another galaxy."

John acknowledged the point with a small smile and a nod, but he wasn't giving up. "Ok, maybe that's true as far as it goes but you didn't come to Atlantis because you were in love with me, did you?" And it was only after he asked the question, did he realize how it sounded; but it was too late by then – he had already asked it.

"No, I did not." Teyla answered simply even as she contemplated how, despite all their advances and knowledge, blind the people of Earth were when it came to the impact they had on others. "I was not in love with you when we came to stay in Atlantis; that, however, does not change the fact that you were the main reason why I decided to have my people follow yours."

John just stared at her before being able to say, "Oh, come on, Teyla. You guys came over because your village was being overrun by the Wraith."

"That it true," she conceded and then went on. "It is also true that that was not the first time that the Wraith had come to Athos nor would it have been the last. We had survived cullings before and we would have done so again." She stated with absolute certainty.

John was shaking his head before she finished talking. "No like this. That wasn't just any other culling, Teyla. I had activated the transmitter and they were there to hunt me. They wouldn't have left anyone alive until they found me."

"But we did not know that at the time." Teyla argued. "All we knew was that the Wraiths were back; somewhat ahead of schedule but it was not completely unexpected."

John just stared at her for a while and asked, "If we hadn't been there, and the Wraith had come – what would you guys have done?"

"We would have tried to escape them, to the woods or to the Stargate if it was possible. But even if we had been able to leave Athos, we would have gone back and rebuilt as soon as it was possible; just as we have always done before." Teyla answered.

"Then why did you . . .?" John started to ask but trailed off.

"Why did we . . . why did I decide to stay?" Teyla finished for him and had to laugh at his face. "Relax, John, I was not in love with you then, either." She grew quite for a while and then with her face towards Atlantis said, "We stayed because . . . well, because it was the city of the Ancestors," and she said that with the same awe she'd used then and which had not been present for a while. "We did not think there would be a safer place for us."

"Wait, I thought you guys thought you were desecrating holy ground or something," John interrupted.

Teyla smiled and nodded, "Some of us did think that and the only reason most agreed with my decision to stay was because for the first time we saw that it was possible to fight the Wraith and win." She paused, turned to look at John in the eye and said in a serious voice, "_You _taught us that when you went back for Halling, me and the others and were able to bring us back alive."

"I also woke up the Wraith," John said in a heavy tone.

"You had no way of knowing that would be the result," Teyla said in a patient, kind tone. "You were only doing what you were trained to do – never leave anyone behind. And it was that attitude, more than even the Ancestors city, which convinced me you could stop the Wraith."

The way she said 'you' made him protest, "It's a team effort."

"Yes, it is." Teyla agreed. "However, if it had not been for you, we would not be here."

At his dumfounded look, she shook her head and continued, "As great a leader and as compassionate and kind a person as Elizabeth is, if she had been the only leader of Atlantis, we would have gone back to Athos as soon as it was safe." She paused and then added, "It was you, John. I knew I could trust you almost as soon as I met you and you proved me right. You were also the only one who really trusted me. If Colonel Sumner had survived, I would not have been offered a position in a team. And I would most certainly not have remained and be subject to the suspicion of men like Bates."

"Oh, Bates came around in the end," John protested but a look from Teyla had him quieted down. The truth was Bates had never really come around; he distrusted Teyla until the day he went back to Earth after the Wraith attack.

"John, I may not have come to Atlantis, nor decided to stay here because I was in love with you. But just like Vala with Daniel, I decided to stay and follow you because I believed you were our best hope against the Wraith. I stayed in Atlantis, even when my people left for the mainland, because something in you made me believe we could win."

"And now?" John couldn't help but ask when she stopped. If she was drawing parallels between herself and their relationship and Vala and her relationship with Jackson, then . . .

"Now," she began, "I have lived in Atlantis for over four years and as much as I have tried to keep in touch with my people, Halling is more their leader than I by now. And, as much as I love them, I no longer feel I quite belong with them anymore."

She said it simply but with an ache in her tone that had John responding, "Teyla, I'm sorry."

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about. It is not your fault, nor is it Halling's. It is no one's fault. I knew what the consequences could be and as much as I sometimes miss my people and the simplicity of living with them, I do not regret the choices I have made. I would, in fact, make them again because I believe in what we are doing."

"You say you don't feel you quite belong with your people any longer," John said after a few moments of silence. "Do you feel you belong in Atlantis?" He asked when what he wanted to ask was whether she felt she belonged with him.

She took a few moments to think before answering, "I like living in Atlantis. I like my life there. I have friends I care for and work I find rewarding. But," she added when John started to smile. "Do I feel I belong there? I feel I belong with the team and with Elizabeth and Carson. If the team were to end, however, I am not sure what my place in Atlantis would be."

"You mean more to Atlantis than just your place in team, Teyla! You know that." John argued.

"Maybe," she conceded. "Maybe I do bring more to the city than what I contribute to the team. But I don't think that would be enough to keep me in Atlantis if the team no longer existed." She paused to take a big breath and decided that the time had come to put her cards on the table as it were. They have had this not quite relationship for years and though recently it had moved forward, it had done so without any conversation. Everything between them was unsaid and Teyla was quite suddenly tired of the silence and all the assumptions and if she had to be the one to break the silence then so be it. "John, I feel I belong with the team because the team has become my family. I stayed originally because I wanted to fight the Wraith, but I would not have stayed if I hadn't developed the relationships I did with Rodney, Elizabeth, Ronon, Carson . . . and you."

She paused again and shook her head, frustrated at not being able to express herself properly. She closed her eyes to concentrate and when she opened them, she turned and looked in the eye. "The team became my family but you became my best friend and confidant; my touchstone with reality. I may not have come to Atlantis or stayed because I was in love with you. But I have not left because I am and I would not want to stay in Atlantis if you were not there."

She stopped for a few minutes and when he didn't say anything, she went on, "So, you see, I know exactly what Vala faces."

"What?" John was finally able to get something out; her unexpected declaration had left him speechless but that last declaration loosen his tongue. He couldn't let her believe that. "What do you mean you know what she faces? You _know_ how I feel about you. You know I would never hurt you."

"Yes, like Daniel you would never hurt a woman purposefully," she agreed.

When she didn't say anything else, John looked at her intently and added insistently, "And you know how I feel about you."

She turned from her study of the night and looking deep into his eyes asked, "Do I, really?" And seeing his disbelief, she added, "Just how would I when you've never said one thing about it?"

She almost smiled at his surprised expression and the fact that for once he was speechless but instead, she turned her head and without giving him a chance to say anything said, "If you excuse me, I need to talk to Halling about . . . something." She got up and left a stunned Colonel behind.

John wasn't sure how it had happened, when one minute they were talking about Jackson and Vala and then they were talking about them, something they had avoided doing for years now. He thought they were in the same page, and now . . . He shook his head as he resumed his study of the fire, his thoughts a jumble and all over the place. In the midst of all the confusion, one thought emerged: 'And I thought I understood her!'


	2. Hard Truths

**Long Overdue**

Disclaimer: Neither the characters, nor the premise belong to me. The only things that are mine are the words that come out of their mouths and the feelings they express, oh, and Arlin too.

**A/N:** Well, here's chapter 2, I'm sorry it took so long. I'd promise to be faster but I've learned that would just be lying; I have a four other stories in the works - that and real life means that I don't write as fast as I'd like. I want to thank everyone for reviewing and for giving me suggestions. I'm not sure if you'll like Teyla's attitude; it might actually be somewhat out of character in some of your opinion. I guess I did go out on a limb somewhat with it, but I think it works and I just had to mention how much her appearance has changed this last season - she looks as if she was from Earth than from Athos in most of the episodes, don't you think?. Let me know how you like this chapter, if you think I'm too much out of character and if you have any suggestions - I'll try to accomodate you. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2: Hard Truths**

As Teyla walked away from John, she knew she had surprised and confused him. It had not been her intent to do either. In fact, she had not intended to bring the subject up all – especially not here and now. But when the moment presented itself, she took it and she didn't regret it. She wasn't one to follow impulses, but she firmly believed that when things were meant to happen, they did.

As she approached the campfire where Halling, Daniel and Vala were sitting, Teyla realized that she wasn't really in the mood for company. She walked past them without stopping, regardless of what she had told John. She spied the refreshment tent further down the path and she headed there, intending to get something to drink. As she reached the tent, she heard a laugh and turned to watch Vala laughed at something Halling said.

She shook her head as she thought how sometimes one only saw what was wrong in one's life when it was reflected in someone else's. If it hadn't been for Vala, she probably would still not know what it was that had been bothering her the past few weeks. It was funny, but for two such different people who had led very different lives, she and Vala had a lot of things in common. The most important one being that they were both completely in love with men they weren't sure of. Oh, they knew the men cared for them; they just weren't sure how much.

It had taken Vala quite a while before she opened up, like Teyla had told John, Vala was a person that did not trust easily. But after several months of sparing together, sharing experiences and comparing notes on the weirdness of the people from Earth, Vala had gradually grown to trust her and feel safe in talking about her feelings. It had still taken her several days before she finally came out with what was obviously bothering.

Unlike Teyla, she had known what it was that was bothering her, but she hadn't felt comfortable discussing it. She had actually felt guilty for feeling that there was something missing in her relationship with Daniel. For the first time in her life, she had everything she's ever wanted: good friends, a place to call home, work that was worthwhile and she could feel proud of and a man to love that loved her. And she felt that she owed all of that to Daniel. To actually feel that there was something else she needed that he was not giving, made her feel like she was betraying him or at least not appreciating everything he had given her.

To have everything you ever wanted in life: good friends, rewarding work and love and still feel if not discontent with it, at least dissatisfied was a confusing feeling – and one Teyla understood all too well for she had feeling the same for the past few weeks. She hadn't been able to explain it, even to herself. After all it had not been something she felt all the time, for she led a busy life after all. But whenever she had had a free moment, she had felt restless, preoccupied and the knot in her stomach had been growing steadily as had the sensation that she was forgetting something very important she had to do but couldn't remember.

It was only as she heard Vala haltingly explained what she was going through, that she realized what it was that she had been feeling. And she like Vala had also felt guilt for feeling like that. After all, despite the war with the Wraith, Teyla's life was going pretty good; she really had nothing to complain about. And she felt that to do so was disrespectful of all whose lives were much worse than hers, to all those who no longer had lives because of the Wraith. But after much soul searching and countless talks with Vala, she had come to the decision that feelings were what they were and one couldn't change them and one shouldn't feel guilty because of them. Yes, she had a good life; probably as good a life as she could have given the circumstances and to want more might feel selfish, but the truth was that she did want, no she needed more than what John had been given her and there was no reason to feel guilt because of it.

She didn't know if he could give her more or not and that more than anything else had made her doubt whether she should said anything or not. She did not want to loose him and she feared that if she pushed him too much she just might. But at the end of the day, Teyla Emmagan was not someone who shrank from doing something because it was hard or risky; she did what she had to do. She had resolved to talk with John, but still she had been putting it off. She had not been sure how to broach the subject; she didn't want to come off as accusing him of anything. Because, really, he had done nothing wrong.

Neither one of them had done anything wrong. The fact was that things between them had progressed so slowly, so naturally, that they've never really talked about it – they've never felt any need. The progression from friends to best friends to confidants to lovers had been so smoothly that there had never been any one defining moment; any moment where it was so obvious things were changing that they could stop and reflect on it.

Even now, looking back, Teyla could not pinpoint any turning moment in their relationship. Instead, it seemed to her that this was where they had been heading since they first met each other. She had known that he was a man she could trust the moment they made eye contact, not only because he had been the only one in his expedition to treat her with the respect due to her as the leader of her people but because there had been something in his eyes that she had recognized – a kindred spirit. And she was sure, he had felt it too. That there had also been attraction between them was something that she was pretty sure neither had noticed at the time and if they did, well, there had been more pressing matters to take care of.

Even in the early stages of their relationship, when they had been little more than comrades-in-arms fighting the same war, their trust in each other had been unshakable; when almost everyone in Atlantis suspected her of collaborating with the Wraith, it had been John that had believed her and argued on her behalf until she was proven innocent and when he had argued with her against waiting for Orin and his family when the planet was being culled, she had argued back and been mad and disappointed but the only reason she had threatened to stay behind was because deep down she trusted him to not leave her.

That trust they've had when they've had no reason to trust each other but their instinct had only grown as they've gotten to know each other. They've gone from people who shared the most superficial information about their cultures to friends that taught each other the skills they valued the most (sparing with the sticks for her and martial arts and knowing how to handle fire weapons for him). Their friendship and trust had only intensified when Lt Ford had gone missing and she took the role of his 2IC. Though he's never said anything, she knew from comments made by Rodney and Elizabeth that the only reason she retained that position was because he once again fought for her – the military wanted an officer as his second but he stood firm in his belief that she was the only person for the job.

They gradually became best friends, telling each other things they would never dream of telling anyone else; she knew that she was the one person he trusted the most in this or any other galaxy and he knew the same was true for her. There was no in Atlantis or on the mainland that knew Teyla better than John and there was no one in Atlantis or Earth that knew John better than Teyla. They were so tuned to each other that often a glance or small movement was enough for them to communicate; it was that made them so good in the field and Teyla had wondered more than once whether her Wraith DNA had allowed her to somehow bond with John but she had never quite mustered the nerve to bring the subject up with John or take her suspicions to Carson.

But despite how closed they became, it wasn't until John was forced to go back to Earth that they had realized how important, how integral they had become to each other and how much they depended on each other. The weeks John had been on Earth had been the longest, hardest, most frustrating and loneliest of her life. They've been even worse than the weeks after her father died because then she had at least known that he was gone and she could mourn him and move on. But when John had gone back to Earth she knew he was alive somewhere but hadn't known when or even if she would ever seen him again or even know if something were to happen to him.

Back when her father passed she'd had the comfort of the familiar and of being able to bury herself in her duties but when John left she had been living with the Lanteans for over three years and she no longer quite fit in with her people. Oh, Halling had quite graciously step aside and allowed her to resume her duties as leader but he had been the de facto leader for years and knew much better than she the needs of their people and sad as it was when she realized it, their people no longer quite trusted her as they did Halling. It had been with this in mind, that she had quietly and gradually given control back to Halling and she had immersed herself in helping to rebuild their settlement, hoping that the physical activity would calm her restlessness.

But the years spent among the Lanteans had done more than just distanced her from her people, they had taught her that she did not have to wait for the inevitable, that she could fight for the future she wanted; they had conditioned her to go out and fight and the restlessness and the desire to be out there doing something proactive had only grown as the days and weeks had gone by. The things that her life had consisted of since she was a little girl, the things she had thought would always fill her life, were no longer enough.

And that was another thing that separated her from her people; they were willing to fight to defend their homes but they didn't understand her desire to go and look for a fight.

Ronan understood, of course, and she had been very grateful that he had chosen to stay with her and her people but as much as he too missed the Lanteans, he hadn't fully understood her sense of loss, maybe it was because he had already lost everything once or maybe it was that he hadn't been there the first year when all they've had to relied on was each other. For whatever reason, he'd been able to put his energies on moving ahead to the next fight. She had tried to do the same and she had kept up the appearance of being fine, but when she heard John's voice coming from the dark and had turned and see him come out of the woods, she had felt the part of herself that was missing click back into place.

If the look in his eyes was any indication, John had felt the same way and after they've retaken the city and everything had settled down, they had spent hours together, talking and catching up. They were pretty much inseparable, spending most of their downtime with each other to the exclusion of pretty much everyone else. Eventually, the emotionally intimacy led to physical intimacy, though they haven't yet 'gone all the way' as he so adequately puts it. They were in every sense of the word, a couple and have been one for the last nine months and everyone understood it even if it hadn't been explicitly said out loud by anyone.

She was re-filling her cup and reflecting on how it was no one's fault that they've gotten to where they were without talking when she heard someone called out, "Teyla!" She turned and saw a young man make his way towards her.

"Jinto, is that you?" She asked as the youth approached her. "I can't believe you've grown so much!" She exclaimed as she hugged him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," he answered. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"I know," she said as she grimaced. "I have been very busy and have not had the chance to come and see you as much as I would like."

"That's ok," Jinto answered with a shrug. "I understand your work is important. But we've missed you around here."

"Oh, Jinto," she answered as she ruffled his hair. "I have really missed you too. I will try and come over more often. But you know you could come to the city too. I am sure everyone will be more than happy to see you."

"I'd like that," Jinto accepted the implied invitation just as his dad entered the tent.

"Teyla," he greeted as he walked up and they shared the traditional greeting. "How are you?"

"I am fine. Did you have a good conversation with Dr Jackson and Vala?"

"Yes, he was most interested in our customs."

"Yes," she agreed, nodding her head. "John tells me that he is an anthropologist as well as an archeologist, which means that he studies the customs of every society he encounters."

"Um, I can attest to that," he said with a chuckle. A minutes later after Jinto said his goodbyes, Halling said, "You look nice tonight."

"Thank you," she graciously accepted the compliment.

"That is an interesting outfit," he said, gesturing to her pants.

"They are called 'blue jeans'," she explained, looking down at them. "They are quite comfortable and warm. I thought they'd be perfect tonight." Thought she own more than a few pairs, the ones she was wearing were the first pair John had ever given to her. He had brought them with him on his first return from Earth, saying that since she had seemed to like them so much in the vision they had shared of Earth, he thought she would enjoy the real thing. And he had been right; it had taken her some time to actually wear them, but once she did, they had quickly become one of her most favorite pieces of clothing.

For a long time, those jeans and the uniform she wore while on duty had been the only Earth clothes she owned. However, all that had changed when she met Vala, who had never met an article of clothing she didn't like. Before she knew it, her closet was filled not only with clothes from Earth but her bureau was full of cosmetics and perfumes, most of which she had never used. And she had one basket full of what Vala called 'accessories'. She didn't think she would ever use even half the stuff that Vala had given her the past few months, but if she was happy giving presents, who was she to say no. And of course, there were one or two things she really liked and was more than happy to accept. It was just a good thing that Vala was such good friends with the wife of the General in charged of the whole program, because otherwise, Teyla was sure the other woman would not receive such large care packages every other week. Then again, Teyla doubted that Vala would have agreed to come to the Pegasus galaxy if she hadn't been assured she would be able to received a regular shipment of what she called 'basic necessities' but which Daniel called 'girly stuff.'

"Yes, they look comfortable," Halling agreed and then said, "We expected you to at the council meeting last week."

It was not said with reproach, but Teyla still felt the need to apologize. "I know and I am sorry I was not able to attend. I had planned to but our mission run longer than anticipated and then we had to go through our post-op check up and debriefing. By the time we were done with all the post-of requirements, it was too late to make the meeting. Did I miss anything particularly important?"

"No, nothing particularly important," Halling denied as he took a sip of his beverage. "It was just a normal meeting."

"I will try harder to make it to the next one, Halling. I promise," Teyla said sincerely.

"Teyla, please do not make promises you are not sure you will be able to keep," Halling said calmly, looking into her eyes.

"But I will keep it," she protested earnestly but at his knowing look, he added, "Unless something unexpected comes up.'

"I know that you will intent to keep it, Teyla. But I also know that it is not always in your power whether or not you can come."

Though Halling's tone was calm and matter of fact, Teyla couldn't help but feel somewhat chastised. "Halling, you know my reasons for living in Atlantis and doing what I do. You know it is important."

"Yes, I do know," he agreed. "But I also know lately you seemed to be more Lantean than Athosian."

"That it is not true," Teyla denied vehemently.

"No?" Hallings asked. "Teyla have you looked in a mirror lately? You wear their clothes more often than ours, you style your hair following their fashion, and you have even picked up their manner of speech."

"I . . ." Teyla started to say, but fell silent when she realized she had nothing to say. Everything Halling had said was true. She was wearing Earth style clothing more and more and she was doing her hair like Elizabeth taught her. That did not mean that she was abandoning her roots as an Athosian however. "If I am using some of their words, it is because I work with them and it is necessary to I use them."

"I understand that," Halling acknowledged. "Is it also necessary that you dress like them? And use the same paint on your face as their women do?"

Teyla put a hand to her cheek as she remembered that she was indeed wearing lipstick and blush, thank the Ancestors she had forgone wearing eye shadow that night. "No, it is not necessary but it does help to blend in."

"I would think that after more four years they would be used to you and you would not need to blend in any longer." Halling protested. Before she could argued anything back, he put his hand back and said, "Teyla it is not my intention to attack you or criticize you."

"Forgive me, Halling, but it feels exactly like that," she argued.

"I know and I am sorry. I just want you to see that you've changed, that you are not the same person you were five years ago. There is nothing wrong with that," he assured her. "We all grown and we all change, some more than others but we all change. And the only thing wrong with that is if do not admit it."

"Halling, I may not be the exact person I was then, but I am still basically the same," she argued, though she wasn't sure why she was fighting this so hard when she had basically said the same thing to John less than two hours ago.

"In some ways, yes you are," Halling agree. "In others, no you're not. Teyla," he said as he took her hands and looked her intently on the eyes. "Your time with the Lanteans has changed you in profound ways. You've become a warrior and are longer content to live the life of a farmer when you could be out there fighting. You think we didn't see what staying behind when the Lanteans left did to you?" He asked.

"I . . ." she started to say as she shook her head.

"Teyla, we all saw it: the restlessness, the desire to be out there fighting, the dissatisfaction of doing something you no longer found rewarding."

"Halling," she protested, shocked. "How can you say that? There is nothing more rewarding that building a house with your own hands, than planting seeds knowing that soon they'll be the food that'll feed everyone."

"For a farmer, no there's nothing more rewarding." He agreed. "But you are no longer a farmer, Teyla. You are no longer just Teyla, the leader of the Athosian people. Now you are a citizen of Atlantis, a member of a SGC team, the right hand of Dr. Weir and perhaps most importantly, you are the life mate to John Sheppard." He shook his head when he saw the surprise on her eyes. "You did not think I could see it? I have known you since you were born, Teyla. You might be able to fool others but you can not fool me."

"It is not my intention to fool anyone, Hallings. It is just a . . . complicated situation." She shook her head and look to the side for a while before saying, "Frankly, it is nothing like what I thought it would be."

"I am sure it is complicated and nothing like you thought; few things in life are easy or as we imagine them. The important thing is to accept them as they are and not as we would have wished they were." He paused for a minute to think things through and then said, "Teyla, I think it is time you accepted the fact that your destiny no longer lies with us."

"Halling!" Teyla protested, shocked that he would say such a thing – even when the though had crossed her own mind more than once.

"Teyla, this will always be your home and you will always have a seat in the council, you know that. But your place is no longer here and you know that too. For now, it is in Atlantis, fighting the Wraith and with Colonel Sheppard. When the war is over, then you might find yourself coming back or you might find yourself going to Earth, because while you will always have a place here, home is not a place but the persons that fill your heart and your home is from now on wherever John Sheppard is – and that is as it should be. Whether you come and settle here or you go on back to Earth will be a decision that you and he have to make together. As much as we would miss you if you were to go, we would not want you to sacrifice your happiness for us."

"Staying with my people would never be a sacrifice, Halling," Teyla argued, even as what she was hearing was on the verge of overwhelming her.

Halling smiled tenderly and gently said, "It would be if half of you were some place else. Teyla, you can't keep this up. We appreciate it and we understand why you do it, but it is time that you let go. You'll always be an Athosian but you are destined for things other than a simple, farmer's life. You need to embrace that and stop thinking that you are abandoning us if you don't come regularly or are involved in every little decision; you need to let go of the misplaced guilt. You are where and with whom you need to be."

Teyla looked at him with a stunned expression, unable to say anything, as Halling saw Arlin come into the tent and wave to him. He waved back and turning back to Teyla said, "Again, I did not mention this with the intent to annoy you or confuse you. I just thought it was time someone mention it. I hope you will think on it and come to peace with the path your life has taken." He then leaned forward and touched foreheads with her in the traditional farewell and went to join Arlin.

Teyla stayed in place for an indeterminate space of time, staring at the tent until with a jolt she came back to herself. She then turned around and noticed that the other end of the tent was quite crowded with a mix of Atlantis personnel and Athosians. Feeling even less inclined to talk to anyone now than she had earlier she exited the tent by the back flap without returning any of the greetings that were thrown her way.

She walked aimlessly in the forest away from the party for long minutes as Halling's word replayed endlessly in her head. She did not know why they had affected her so strongly when she had thought much the same things from time to time in the last couple of years. Maybe it was because thinking something in the privacy of your own mind was not the same as hearing it said out loud by someone else; hearing it out loud makes it more real somehow and you have to face it whether you want to or not, whether you're ready or not.

Before she knew it, she had arrived at the lake where John had introduced her to the Earth custom of picnicking. They had had quite a few picnics in the last year. She looked around and saw the tree under which most of them had happened. Without thinking about it, she headed there and sat back with her back to the tree. Once seated, she looked towards the lake and admired the reflection of the moon on the water for a long moment.

Inevitably, her thoughts turned back towards what Halling had said. Her mind was in such turmoil that she could not grab one thought and follow it through. To center herself, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, attempting to meditate. After a few minutes, she was able to calm herself enough to start to make sense out of the chaos her emotions were.

She knew that Halling was right. She was no longer the person she had been when she had met John and the rest of the Lanteans; her priorities had changed drastically since then. While the welfare of her people continued to be and will always be one of them, the fact was that it was no longer the thing that kept her up at night. No, nowadays that was reserved for the welfare and safety of her team because, Ancestors knew, with the luck they had they were always either about to get into some trouble or just gotten out of some trouble and waiting for one of them to get out of the infirmary.

Her people, however, were no longer at continuous risk any longer. Because the Wraith still thought that Atlantis had been destroyed and because they never knew of the Athosians settlement on the mainland, they had no reason to come look for them and thus, the biggest threat her people had faced was if not neutralized then certainly contained. But knowing the Lanteans had meant more than that to her people; it had meant access to better medical care, more technology if they wanted or needed it and continued access to the 'Gate for any off-world treading when needed. It had meant a better if not always easier life.

It was because the of the increased safety, stability and security of her people that she had been able to make the switch in priorities and yet, from time to time she still felt incredibly guilty because of it. And, it slowly dawned on her that that might have been one of the reasons why she had never brought up the subject of their relationship with John. True, the natural progression of their relationship had precluded a discussion of their future and John's well known dislike of emotional conversations might have, unconsciously, made her hesitate in bringing the subject up but her own ambivalence on the subject had also played a role.

It was not that she wasn't committed to the relationship, because she had never been more committed to anything outside of leading her people. The fact that both commitments could at some point be in conflict had made her shy away from any talk of the future. The knot in her stomach when she had not been busy had been as much because she hadn't known where their relationship was heading as it had been because she one day might have to choose between love and duty and worse, because she felt that she had already chosen and in so choosing she had betrayed her father and her people. But Halling was right, it was time to let go of the guilt. Following your destiny was not a betrayal and her dad would not want her to sacrifice her happiness on the altar of duty.

She closed her eyes as she let her head fall back to the tree. It was hard accepting the possibility that her future could be far from her people. Then again, maybe it was time she did. Maybe it was time to truly accept that her future was with John, where ever he might end up; that she had done everything she could for her people and that wanting something different would not be a betrayal. Besides, who was to say that they couldn't just stay in Atlantis? After all, the Lanteans had come looking to explore and even if, no when, the war with the Wraith is over, they'll go back to exploration – there was still about a quarter of the city left to explore and according to Rodney he'd love to go back and really explore the three quarters they've already explored. There was every reason to believe they could continue to live in the city for a long time to come. But even if they didn't, it would still be ok and either way she had to finally assimilate the changes that had occurred in her life and stopped feeling guilty about them.

She opened her eyes and stared at the water again. A few minutes later, she took another deep breath and as she let it out, she let out all the guilt. A few minutes after that, she got up and went back to the party much lighter of spirit and ready to face John again – whether he was ready was another matter entirely.


	3. Realizations

**A/N: **I know it has been criminally long since I last updated; I have no excuse except - no, I have no excuse. But, I'm back now; and this time, I will finish it. I have this and the next chapter all done and the following all but done (just needs about two more pages). With that chapter I could consider this fic complete and that is why I am now posting. I do want to add a couple of more chaps after the fifth one but, even if I don't write them right now, I won't leave guys hanging since the basic plot for the story will be done. I hope you guys like it and consider it worth the wait. I want to thank Pup for all her work on this chapter.

**A/N1: **In other news, I have recently re-discovered my love for Bones so I'll be writing a couple of stories for that fandom and maybe finishing up this one shot I started a year ago for Criminal Minds. However, I've also remembered just how much I love Stargate (SG1 and Atlantis) and I've been watching my dvds so, I will be, finally, writing the sequel to Men and Aliens (the stories in my Bones/SG1 crossover universe**, **which follows the events in the Te SG1 universe). So, if you were waiting for that sequel (which will also include the Atlantis cast), with any luck, you'll have the first chapters in the coming weeks!

**Disclaimer: **Nope, they're still not mine. **  
**

**Chapter 3**

A few moments after Teyla had walked away from the fire they'd been sharing, a frowning John picked up a stick and started poking at the fire. He turned his head enough to realize that Teyla had completely by-passed Hallings and had, instead, headed for the beverages tent.

He still couldn't figure out just what the hell had happened. One moment they were having a great time, enjoying the food, drinks, music and just being with each other and the next, she had started talking about Vala and Jackson's relationship and that had somehow led to a . . . well, it hadn't really been a fight, nor an argument, more like a statement about how she didn't know how he felt about her.

It wasn't just the fact that the conversation had fallen apart so fast that he couldn't wrap his mind around, it was also the fact that she'd actually said she didn't know how he felt about her. He just couldn't understand how she could say that – more than that, he couldn't understand how she could feel that way; because he knew Teyla, if she said it, she felt it.

He'd thought it was more than obvious how he felt about her; he'd been pretty sure everyone knew how he felt. After all, wasn't McKay still teasing him about it at least once a day? Which was, of course, much better than the constant teasing he'd received back when they first returned from the Milky Way and had started spending more time with Teyla. And Ronon, the big guy, had also noted the changes and was not above doing some teasing of his own. His teasing, of course, was much more physical than McKay's; it usually involved a lot of elbow nudging, huge grins, slaps on the back and even some winks – something that had greatly disturbed John the first time he'd seen it.

But it wasn't only their team-mates that had noticed how close they'd gotten, everyone else in Atlantis seemed to have noticed too and everyone had something to say about it. The military officers were subtle and respectful - John did have their careers in the palm of his hands, after all. The scientists weren't as subtle but, though John didn't have as much to do with their careers, they were all respectful also because they all respected Teyla and, really, no one wanted to have a pissed off Sheppard gunning for them. Thankfully, as time had passed their relationship had become yesterday's news and the teasing had all but stopped; that might have had something to do with the fact that more than half of the city had already suspected they had been an item long before they had actually been one. But, though the teasing had stopped, there were still some coy looks thrown their way and the knowledge that they were a unit was shared by all. Heck, even Caldwell had alluded to the fact that he knew John's relationship with Teyla was more than that of teammates; the fact that he hadn't done anything to bring it to the attention of his superiors pointed to the fact that he knew John's feelings for her were strong.

It seemed that everyone knew how John felt about Teyla except Teyla herself and he just could not understand how that could be. How could she not know what she meant to him? How could she not know that he's been crazy about her since practically the moment they met - that she meant more to him than anyone or anything ever had or ever would – that he would gladly give his life to make sure she was okay?

It was true he was not a man who was comfortable with words - he just always believed that actions spoke louder than any words could. And he'd believed Teyla felt the same and that she understood him and how he felt. Apparently, he'd been wrong and she had needed the words. 'But,' a small part of him, the part that loved to tease McKay and that instigated the Play station tournaments said, 'it's not like _she's_ said it.' And another part of him, the part that was responsible for him making Lt. Colonel and keeping up with all the responsibilities that rank brought, rolled its eyes and said, 'what is this? High school? Next you're going to be asking McKay to pass her a note!'

John couldn't help but snort at his internal dialogue as it was bordering on schizophrenia. Fortunately for his long time mental health, if not necessarily his immediate sanity, McKay chose that moment to flop down next to him.

"Hey," McKay said before diving into the mountain of food he had on his plate.

"Hey," John said distractedly, his thoughts still on the 'Teyla problem'.

"So," McKay began when the mountain went down to a hill, "what's wrong with you and Teyla?"

"Wrong?" John repeated, turning to look at McKay. "Nothing's wrong; why do you ask?"

"Oh, I don't know," McKay shrugged, took a couple more bites of food before he continued. "Maybe because of the way Teyla just stomped away from here."

"Teyla does not stomp anywhere," John protested. McKay just gave him a look that said 'yeah, sure'.

"Ok, then," McKay granted, waving his empty fork around. "From the way that Teyla walked away from you, I deduced that something's wrong."

"From the way she walked, really?" John asked sarcastically.

"From the way she walked away from _you_," McKay corrected him before shrugging. "And yes, really." He paused to take a sip of his drink before continuing. "You forget I know you guys. She only walks away like that when she's irritated with you." He paused and gestured to John's face with his fork again. "And you only look like that when you haven't irritated her on purpose and have no clue what you did that irritated her."

John shook his head and stared at McKay in surprise; just when did the other man become so perceptive? It used to be that he wasn't aware of anything that wasn't science or food related.

"I don't know what you mean," John said, but McKay noted that that answer really wasn't a denial.

"Come on, Sheppard," McKay urged. "You know you want to tell me."

"Yeah, right," John scoffed. "If, and I stress if, I was having problems with Teyla why would I want to tell you about it?"

"So I can help you," McKay answered as if it was the most obvious answer.

"Come on, McKay," John protested. "You're going to help me?" he asked incredulously. "With _your_ track record with women?"

"What's wrong with it?" McKay asked, frowning.

"What's wrong with it?" John repeated. "I think it'd be more like what's right with it. I mean, what was it that happened with Katie again?"

"Yeah, well, that didn't go exactly as planned, I grant you," McKay started to defend himself but John cut him off.

"And what about Col. Carter? I bet General O'Neill still wants to kick your ass about that message you sent our first year in Atlantis," John said with an evil grin.

"Do you have to keep bringing that up?" McKay asked, exasperated.

"And how about the way you're eyeing Jennifer, huh?" John asked with the same evil grin as before. Teasing McKay always put him in a better mood.

"You know about that?" McKay asked; he was so surprised at the charge that he forgot to deny it.

"McKay, McKay," John tutted, shaking his head. "When will you ever learn that I know everything?" A couple of years ago all the teasing would have really hurt McKay, he had since, however, learned that that was the way John related with the people he cared about.

"You don't know everything," McKay countered. "If you did, you wouldn't be so stumped about what's going on with Teyla," he smugly pointed out, bringing the conversation back to the main point. Of all the things you could say about McKay, him not being able to keep his mind on a goal wasn't one of them.

"Why are you so interested in me and Teyla anyway?" John asked, avoiding talking about the issue directly.

"You two are my friends," McKay said, shrugging and looking down to pick up his drink. "I want you two to be happy."

"Thanks," John said quietly, he could tell the other man was being honest.

"Yeah, well," McKay said, squirming a little. "Fact is you're happier when you're with her and you're a hell of a lot easier to get along with when you're happier. So, it's self-preservation, actually."

"Of course it is," John laughed and the emotionally charged moment passed, which was exactly what McKay had wanted. John knew that just as he knew that the sentiment had been honestly meant.

"But who else are you going to talk to, huh?" McKay asked, once again going back to the point. "I'm your best friend and this is the kind of thing best-friends talk about," he paused and shrugged when John just gave him a look. "Oh, alright; I'm one of your best friends. But the other two are Teyla and Ronon and you can't very well go and talk to Teyla about this since Teyla is what you need to talk about – and Ronan is not around right now, so you can't talk to him about it . . ." Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Talk to me about what?" Ronon asked as he dropped down on the other side of John; unlike John and McKay, he chose to sit on the ground and lean back on the tree trunks the others were using as seats. He straightened his legs in front of him and crossed them at the ankles; he also crossed his arms across his chest and held his drink with two fingers of his right hand. "Does this have anything to do with way the Teyla walked away from Sheppard a few minutes ago?" McKay nodded and John goggled at his two team mates.

"What is this?" He asked, frowning in surprise and irritation. "Don't you guys have anything better to do than to keep tabs on me and Teyla?"

"We don't keep tabs on you guys," McKay denied.

"Can't help but notice if she all but runs away from you," Ronon said, shrugging and taking a sip of his drink.

"She didn't run away from me," John protested. "She just . . ." he raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. "She just wanted a drink," he finished with a shrug and looked at the ground, knowing he was sounding very lame.

"You can talk to us," McKay said, after sharing a look with Ronon. "You know that, right?"

"I know that," John said, looking from one to the other. There was something in the way the other two looked back at him before they looked at each other that had John frowning again. They almost looked . . . disappointed but not surprised; as if they had hoped for something else but hadn't really expected anything different.

It suddenly occurred to him that neither Teyla nor himself had talked to the guys about the change in their relationship and that that might have just made the guys feel left out. They hadn't meant to leave them out but if they were to remain on the same team, keeping things low key had been critical. He knew neither of the guys would have said a word but neither he nor Teyla had thought it was fair to put them in that position. As the team was a tight knit group, keeping things quiet in the beginning hadn't exactly been easy but after more than a year and a half together the boys seemed to have accepted the relationship and he and Teyla hadn't really thought much more about it. Well, there wasn't anything he could do about that but he could talk to them about the present problem. It wasn't like he was getting anywhere on his own, after all.

"We didn't have a fight," John repeated. "We . . . I don't know what we had," he said finally, sighing and rubbing his hands over his face. "We were having a great time and then all of a sudden she started talking about," he hesitated as he didn't think it would be a good idea to repeat Teyla's concerns about Vala and Jackson. "She just started to wonder about her place on Atlantis."

"And that's when she stalked off?" McKay wondered.

"Yeah, well," John hesitated again and blew out a long breath. "She walked off after she told me that she didn't really know how I felt about her." He finally admitted.

"She said that?" McKay asked. "Well, haven't you told her how you feel about her?" he wanted to know.

"I . . . I guess ah, maybe not in so many words," he mumbled. Both McKay and Ronon looked at him in askance.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"You've never told her?" McKay asked incredulous. "You mean, you've been together," he lowered his voice so that no one would hear, "for how long now? More than a year? And you haven't told her how you feel about her?" John looked at Ronon but the big guy was looking at him with a fierce frown.

"Yeah, well," John shrugged. "She hasn't said how she feels either," even as he said it, he cringed. It sounded just as dumb out loud as it had in his head.

"She hasn't . . .?" McKay started to repeat, before shaking his head. "What, are you back in high school?" John shook his head at McKay's repeating exactly what he'd thought a few minutes before.

"No, of course not," John shook his head. "It's not exactly an easy conversation to have, you know?"

"Maybe not, but still," McKay said, still shaking his head.

"Teyla is an honorable woman," Ronon said, speaking up for the first time. "And a good friend; I would not like it if you were playing with her."

"For God's sake, Ronon! Of course I'm not playing with her!" John defended himself. "I'm . . . just not good at talking about . . . feelings." A shadow fell over the three friends and John stopped talking at once.

"Hey, guys," Daniel said as he came to a stop just behind and to the side of John. A chorus of 'Jackson', and 'Dr. Jackson' was their reply.

"You had fun talking to Hallings, huh?" John asked, grinning when he saw the way Jackson was beaming and all but bouncing on his feet.

"Oh, yes," Daniel nodded. "The Athosians are a fascinating culture; one of the most intriguing I've ever encountered. They're truly an egalitarian society, with everyone doing what they're best suited for without care for gender or class or any other consideration but talent. They're incredibly progressive in their thinking which is most unusual in a society with their level of development – although, living under the constant threat of the Wraith could explain . . . and you don't really care about this," he finished with a grin when he saw the glazed looks the three men were giving him; more than ten years as Jack's best friend had taught him to identify that particular look.

"It's not that," John demurred. "Not really, it's just . . ."

"That's okay," Daniel interrupted, shrugging. "I know I tend to go into too much detail when I don't really need to," and though it was fun to keep going to annoy Jack, it wasn't the same when it wasn't Jack he was annoying.

"I know all about that," John said, shooting a look at McKay, who ignored him.

"So," Daniel said, changing the subject, "what are you guys talking about?"

"Well," McKay said, as he swallowed a big bite of food, "we were just talking about John's fight with Teyla."

"McKay!" John protested. "Geez, why don't you post it on the city's message board, huh?"

"What?" McKay asked around another mouthful. "What did I say?"

"If I'm interrupting . . ." Daniel began but John stopped glaring at an oblivious McKay and turned to look at Daniel. "Nah, that's okay, Jackson."

"Well, I'm probably not the best person to give advice on romantic relationships," Daniel began, "but if I can be of any help."

"Sure, why not?" John asked, shrugging. "Sit down," he invited, shifting on the log he was using as a seat. "The more the merrier."

"So, what's the problem?" Daniel asked, after he'd sat down.

"Uh, well, nothing much really," John answered, shifting in his seat in discomfort. "A little failure to communicate is all, probably. A misunderstanding – a small one."

"A misunderstanding?" McKay scoffed. "Failure to communicate? I guess that's one way of putting it." John glared at him while Ronon smirked and Daniel turned his head to hide his smile.

"You haven't told her you love her yet, have you?" Daniel asked after a few moments, stunning the other three men into silence.

"How did you . . .?" McKay asked, as always the first to recover the power of speech.

"I'm good at observing. It's what I do," Daniel shrugged. After a slight hesitation he continued, "And well, John here reminds me of someone I know quite well."

"Reminds you of who?" McKay couldn't help but ask.

"Jack," was Daniel's simple answer.

"General O'Neill?" McKay asked, surprised. "I don't . . . actually, I do see it. They both have that alpha male, stubborn and arrogant fly boy attitude going on."

"Oh, because _you're_ so humble," John muttered, once again glaring at McKay. Daniel just shook his head without saying anything; that wasn't exactly how he'd put it but it wasn't that far off the mark.

"You should tell her how you feel," Daniel said, stopping McKay from responding. "I know you probably don't like to talk about your feelings or even know how to talk about them," he added, leaving the three men open mouthed in astonishment once more. "But the fact is, women not only want and like to talk about feelings, they expect us to do it too."

"Teyla is not like other women," John protested, though he knew it was a last ditch effort.

"I know she isn't," Daniel agreed. "But no matter how strong a woman is, how smart, stubborn, resilient or tough she is, she's still, underneath it all, a woman and she needs to know how you feel about her to feel secure in the relationship."

"Yeah, I guess that's true," John nodded, privately thinking that it was ironic that it was Daniel saying these things given what Teyla had said earlier that night. For someone so wise and observant, Daniel was sure blind when it came to his personal relationships.

"I know I don't know Teyla as well as you guys," Daniel added, after a slight hesitation, "but I think that in this case it might be more than just wanting to hear the words."

"What do you mean?" John asked, intrigued.

"I just spent the past few hours talking to Hallings about the Athosian culture," Daniel began, "and though they're very open-minded and progressive, they have a few basic beliefs they won't compromise on; in a world where there's so little constancy, they need to hold on to what little stability they can and for them that's family – from the nuclear family to the extended family to the whole community. But at the center of a family is the couple: the husband and wife, the mother and father. And while they aren't prudish, the young people are actually encouraged and expected to spread their wings, it is almost unheard of for a long, stable relationship that seems to have no end in sight to not be formalized."

"Formalized?" John asked; a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach forming in response to the direction the conversation was taking. "What, you mean as in married?"

"The Athosian version of it, yes," Daniel nodded.

"They call it the 'Union Ceremony," Ronon's deep voice rumbled from John's left.

"You know about it?" John asked, surprised. "How do you know about it?" He asked when Ronon nodded.

"I spent a lot of time at the Athosians' camp," Ronon shrugged. "But I think the question is why don't you know about it?"

"I . . . I guess, I never asked," John admitted. "Long, stable relationship?" John asked, looking back at Daniel. "We haven't been together that long."

"Not that long!" McKay exclaimed. "You've been together almost two years!"

"I think the Athosians think it's been longer, actually," Daniel added. "A lot longer."

"Yes," Ronon agreed. "Most seem to think that you guys have been involved since Teyla decided to stay on Atlantis. And those that didn't think that before the Ancients came back to the city, changed their minds when you were recalled back to Earth."

"Why?" John asked, frowning in confusion. "What happened then?"

"Nothing happened," Ronon answered. "It was more how she acted."

"Well, how did she act?" John asked when Ronon didn't say anything else.

"Like something was missing," Ronon finally answered, after thinking about it a little. "She fulfilled all her responsibilities and took care of all her chores but those who really knew her could tell there was something off – it was almost as if she were in mourning."

"Funny," McKay said, as he put aside his plate. "That was almost the same way John acted while we were back on Earth."

"I was not in mourning," John protested. "I . . . just missed Atlantis and everyone that stayed behind, is all."

"But you missed Teyla most of all," McKay pressed.

"Well, yeah," John finally admitted. "So, you think Teyla wants to get married?" He asked Daniel as his mind went back to what he'd said before.

"I can't really tell you what she's thinking or what she might want," Daniel said, shaking his head. "I can only tell you what I've learned of Athosian culture and what might be playing a part in what she's thinking."

"Yeah, okay, thank you," John said, nodding. "Thank you all but I think I need to do some thinking now and find Teyla. I'll see you guys, later." With a slap on each knee, John pushed himself to his feet and walked away towards the drinks tent.


	4. Conversation by the Lake

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: **Thanks to those of you who reviewed! I'm so happy you guys are still liking this story. Here's the next chapter; hopefully you guys will like it as much as the last one. I want to thank Pup for all her work betaing this chapter. Enjoy!

John knew, even before he walked into the refreshments tent, that Teyla wasn't in it; still, he spent a few moments looking over everyone just to make sure. Then, before anyone could catch his eye or even think of talking to him, he turned on his heels and left. Without needing to think about it, he turned left and walked into the forest.

He knew exactly where she was. Lately, it seemed he always knew where she was without asking anyone or even really thinking about it. It was almost as if there was an invisible tie that linked and pulled them together so that they always knew where the other was, if they were okay and sometimes, even what they were doing. It didn't even seemed to matter how far apart they were; last week, she'd been on the mainland and he in the City when he'd suddenly gotten a stomachache and he'd known it wasn't his own. It turned out that Teyla had gotten a mild form of food poisoning. He'd known then that the link between them wasn't all in his head or his usual awareness of those around him as he'd been content to tell himself the last few years.

He knew he should have said something but he hadn't been ready to face the truth about what it might mean or what the consequences would be. And the fact was there had been a link between them since practically the moment they met; when their eyes met, he'd known he could trust her with his life. He was a person that trusted few people, especially with his life, but he was also a person that trusted his instincts so, he'd followed his gut feeling. And he had never once regretted it. But the link they'd had back during the first year of the expedition was different from the one they shared now – and it wasn't all because they were now physically intimate; though, he wouldn't be surprised if that had something to do with it too.

The nature of their link had begun to change after he'd been infected with the retro-virus. He'd known it back then; he could actually feel it as it happened. And though he wasn't sure if the kiss had precipitated the bonding or if he'd kissed her because of a nascent bond, he didn't think it mattered all that much. He'd kissed her; out of everyone in the City, she'd been the only one that he'd even been tempted to kiss, let alone actually go through with it. And it hadn't been because he'd not had the opportunity. He'd been alone with Elizabeth in his quarters, when the retro-virus had been much more advanced and he hadn't been tempted – not even a little. No, it had been Teyla he'd wanted to kiss. And he was pretty sure that kiss had sealed his fate. They might have agreed not to talk about it or even think of it, but you couldn't erase something like that - especially when a link seemed to have developed between them as a result. And yet, he'd pushed it to the back of his mind.

Until the whole Thalen and Phebus episode, when Teyla had been the one to capture him and he'd felt just how torn up she was about doing what Phebus demanded and kill him. He'd known what it would cost her but, despite what Thalen had said, he'd also known that if she had to do it to save dozens of lives, she would do it. But, just as before, as soon as the crisis was over, he'd pushed the whole thing to the back of his mind not wanting to deal with it and choosing, instead, to believe the growing awareness he had of her was due to their closeness. That belief had been pretty much shot down when he'd been ordered back to Earth and had felt as if half of him was missing. The half he got back as soon as he'd returned to the Pegasus Galaxy – he hadn't even needed to see her to sense her. And then he was back and their relationship grew to more than just friends. And now, he could no longer avoid the obvious: there was more between them than a normal awareness of each other.

He just didn't know what and wasn't sure he wanted to know because somewhere deep inside, he knew whatever their bond was it was due, in large part, to her Wraith DNA. And to the fact that when he'd gotten the retro-virus, he'd been converted into something that was neither human nor Wraith nor the Icarus bug but some weird and creepy combination of all three. And though Beckett's cure had been successful, the experience had changed something in John. It had left behind a . . . strange sensitivity to the Wraith – something he hadn't told anyone as he didn't really like thinking about it. The fact that he had gotten so close to having his DNA completely re-written into anything close to the Wraith, really, really freaked him out. And while he had never thought any differently of Teyla because of her tiny bit of Wraith DNA, the fact that they might have a psychic bond because of it and because of his own brush with the retro-virus, was something that . . . well, really, really creeped him out.

Actually, the whole having a psychic bond with anyone creeped him out. The mind was supposed to be the one place where you were ensured complete privacy; the whole idea that someone might be able to access it . . . had he mentioned how it really, really creeped him out? The notion that she could actually hear what he was thinking was alarming to say the least; God knew what she'd think of all the smart-ass remarks that he thought of on a daily basis. She'd probably be surprised to find out that he only voiced about half what he thought of and only the least offensive. She'd also find out that he was more capable than he liked to appear. Of course, if he had to have anyone in his head, he was glad it was Teyla and not, say, Rodney. With a shudder, he shook that thought off; that would be a nightmare.

Whatever his issues were, he really should talk to her about it. As much as he liked avoidance as a way of dealing with things, he was very much afraid that they'd reached the point where that was no longer possible. Much like putting off talking about their relationship seemed to be no longer an option. He should probably have some sort of plan or at least an idea of what he wanted to say once he finally found her. He just wasn't sure what that should be; he didn't know what she wanted to hear. Up to an hour ago, he'd been sure he knew what that was but now he wasn't sure anymore. Of course, he should probably stop wondering about what she wanted and start figuring out what he wanted. Because as much as he cared for and wanted to make her happy, bringing up marriage or, worse, going through with it when he wasn't sure it was what _he_ wanted would only lead to disaster.

He'd already had one failed marriage; he did not want to go through anything like that ever again – especially with Teyla. But then, Teyla and Nancy were two completely different women and there was really no reason to think his relationship with Teyla would end the same way his relationship with Nancy had. For one thing, Teyla knew him in a way Nancy never had and maybe never could have; Teyla understood that side of him that demanded action, that demanded he go out there and protect people. For another, Teyla worked with him so there was never any tension about his work. Whenever he had to leave for a last minute mission, she was always by his side. It sure cut down on the need to explain things when she was part of the same briefings as he and knew exactly what he was doing and why.

The things she didn't know, those that as a member of the military and the military commander of Atlantis he couldn't tell her, well, as a leader herself, she understood the need for confidentiality and never pressed him for details he couldn't give. And yet, she always supported him; she was always there for him. That didn't mean that she didn't know how to stand up to him or didn't have the will to do it. She had never had a problem telling him exactly what she thought about anything but she also trusted him. Despite whatever differences they might have had, she'd always listened to him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Something Nancy had never really given him but then she had never really understood him or completely trusted him. No, his relationship with Teyla was nothing like what his relationship with Nancy had been; chances were better than good that he and Teyla could make it work.

He just, he hadn't really thought he'd get married again - at least not yet and maybe not ever. After all, not only had his failed marriage sort of soured him on the whole concept but the military life he led wasn't exactly conducive to starting a romantic relationship let alone maintaining one. That wasn't even taking into account all of his more . . . personal issues. And yet, somewhere in the back of his mind he had always had the hope of having a family of his own. He had a feeling Teyla was his best bet for it. But was he ready to take that step? It wasn't one he could or should take lightly and he needed to be sure he was ready for it.

So, the question was, what did he want? Spend the rest of his life with Teyla or without her? When put like that, the answer was easy. Unfortunately, life was never quite that simple; this decision involved more than just what he might or might not want. In their case, the phrase 'not from the same world' was the literal truth. In fact, it was not even completely accurate since they were from two different galaxies and each had responsibilities they couldn't just abandon in their home galaxy.

He was a career military man and went wherever his superiors sent him. In a very real sense his life was not really his own – not unless he resigned his commission. And that might be an option he no longer had, not when he was part of the best kept secret in the world and was one of the few people who had the ATA gene; heck, no one but General O'Neill had it as strong as he did. No, he didn't think leaving the military would be easy for him, even if he wanted to leave, which, let's face it, he really didn't. He liked his job and couldn't imagine not doing it. But what if that was the only way to stay with Teyla . . . and he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe Teyla would agree to come to Earth with him; but she had her own responsibilities in the Pegasus galaxy.

She was the leader of her people, though as she had said earlier that night, that title was mostly honorary now as Halling had become the de facto leader of the Athosians. Something that was the result of her joining his team and choosing to live in Atlantis with them and though he believed her when she said she didn't regret her choices, he knew it couldn't have been easy to see another person, even one as close to her as Halling, do the job she had been trained her whole life for. But at least in Atlantis, she was doing something for her people if he were to ask her to go to Earth with him and she were to agree, she would be leaving all she knew behind and it wouldn't be because she was fighting for her people's survival but rather going for herself. He didn't think it would be fair to ask that of her.

Of course, there was nothing to say that he would be recalled back to Earth any time soon; he probably wouldn't be ordered back Earth-side until the war with the Wraith was over. God only knew how long that would last. It had been going on for over ten thousand years and there really was no end in sight. He could conceivably spend the rest of his career in Atlantis. But even if that were to happen, sooner or later, he would have to go back even if it was because he got old. Of course, if he was old then Teyla would be too and would probably not be able or want to lead her people again. Hmmm, maybe they could go to Earth for their retirement - but they _were_ fighting the Wraith, there was no guarantee they would live to see the ripe old age of retirement. Nor was there any guarantee that he would be allowed to stay in Atlantis all that time either; no post lasted forever in the military and no one was really indispensable in any post . . . And he was getting ahead of himself again.

But, he stumbled a little as the realization hit him, if he was thinking about marriage, wasn't he supposed to get ahead of himself? Wasn't he supposed to think of the future and plan for it and for any obstacle he could foresee? Kind of what he would do when planning a mission: plan for the best, prepare for the worst and try to think of everything in between. Then he thought that maybe that was where he'd gone wrong in his marriage with Nancy; he'd been too focused on the present and on what he would have liked to have happen to think about what could happen and plan accordingly. Maybe if he'd used his head and thought things through better, they wouldn't have gotten divorced – or maybe they would never have gotten married in the first place. Ah, he didn't know, no one could really and anyway that was the past - what he had to focus on now was the future.

A future he wanted to spend with Teyla . . . so, shouldn't he be working out all these possible obstacles with her and not by himself? Teyla was a woman that liked to think for herself and did not take kindly to anyone making up her mind for her; he knew that from experience. She would be . . . unhappy, to say the least that he had been trying to plan their future without her. And that's when he realized that of all the things that had occurred to him, the one thing that had never once crossed his mind was doubt that he wanted to be with her. Marriage might not have consciously been in his immediate plans but, he hadn't really spent the last few minutes wondering whether he wanted to marry her, had he? No, he'd spent them thinking about where they would live and how if anyone could make it, it was them. He hadn't even thought about the fact that if they were to get married, they might more than likely have to split up the team.

Before he could get too worked up about that last thought, he heard a noise coming from the woods. He focused on his surroundings and almost immediately realized it was Teyla coming back. He had been so wrapped up in his musings he'd failed to notice her 'presence' was growing closer. A few seconds later and he saw her emerge from a bend in the path. And as soon as he saw her, he knew. He knew that she was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with; no matter where they lived or what they did, as long as they were together, he'd be happy. And with that realization, a weight was lifted from his shoulders. No, marriage hadn't really been on his mind that morning but he couldn't think of anything he'd like more than to know Teyla was his for good (and yes, he was well aware that she would probably knock him down if he ever said that aloud).

Life was short and there were no guarantees; there was no assurance that they would survive the war or that he would stay in Atlantis long (he could be recalled to Earth at practically any moment; hadn't they all been sent back once?). The only thing that was true, the only thing they were sure to have was that moment and he wanted to spend all of his moments with her. With a big smile, he stepped towards her, having finally worked everything out in his mind to his satisfaction. Now, he just had to ask her what she wanted and hope it was the same thing he did.

"Hey," he smiled and stopped in front of her.

"Hello," she smiled back. They stared at each other in silence for a moment before they spoke up at the same time.

"John, we should talk," she said.

"Teyla, we have to talk," he said. They stopped talking and smiled at each other. "I guess we both have the same idea. Shall we go back to the lake?"

"Yes, I would like that," she nodded. She wasn't at all surprised that he had known where she was without needing to ask her. They had both been doing that quite a lot lately.

"Let's go, then, shall we?" with a small bow, he let her precede him. She shook her head with a small laugh and went first. He followed and was walking next to her within two steps; before they'd taken five steps, he reached over and took hold of her hand. She looked down at their intertwined fingers and smiled in surprise and pleasure. She was well aware that he did not like PDA's, she believed he'd called such gestures earlier that night.

"So," he said a few moments later, grinning at her. "Did you know that the boys are keeping tabs on us?"

"Excuse me?" she tilted her face up and lifted an eyebrow.

"Yeah, both McKay and Ronon sat down next to me practically as soon as you left," he told her. "Apparently, they knew by the way you walked away that we had had a . . . discussion."

"By the way I walked away?" she asked, her other eyebrow going up too. She was both surprised at what she was hearing and heartened that despite their . . . altercation earlier on they seemed to be back to normal.

"That's what I said!" John told her. "But it seemed that you have a particular stomp . . ."

"Stomp!" Teyla repeated, interrupting him and she did not sound pleased.

"Hey," he protested. "Don't look at me like that! It was McKay's word not mine. Besides, I did tell him that you didn't stomp. But you know McKay."

"Yes, I do know Rodney," Teyla sighed.

"Anyway," he drawled, "you're not the only one that has a 'tell'. According to Rodney, I make a particular face whenever I know you're upset with me but have no idea why."

"Oh, yes," she nodded and threw him a small smile.

"Oh, yes?" he asked her. "What does that mean? I have a specific face for this?"

"John, you have a specific face for every situation," she told him as she grinned at him.

"Huh," he said and made the face when he was surprised but wasn't sure whether he should be pleased or not about something. "And I imagine you and Rodney and Ronon think you know everyone of them?"

"Well, I do not know about them," she answered, shrugging. "But yes, I do think I know pretty much all of your 'faces'. Are you really surprised, John? We have spent a lot of time together and have been in more than one situation where reading each other's faces was necessary."

"Hmmm, you might have a point," he agreed. "And in that vein, do you realize that neither you nor I have talked to the guys about us?"

"Yes," she answered. "We both decided that it would be better for all concerned if they did not 'know' anything. I think you said something like: 'what they don't know can't hurt us'." She turned and looked at him in question as she stated the last phrase.

"Yeah, that's right," he told her. "And we were probably right but . . ."

"But?" she prompted when he trailed off.

"But they're our friends," he shrugged. "Our closest friends and we share pretty much everything. I think they're hurt that we haven't confided in them."

"I see," she said softly. "I do not like the idea that we have hurt them."

"I know; me neither," he said. "And hey, we might not have. I mean, it's not like they've said we did, so maybe we didn't."

"Then what did they say?" she wanted to know.

"It's not so much what they said," John told her. "It's how they said it. And either way, what's done is done. We can't undo it. The only thing I could do was stop lying to them and admit that we had a . . . discussion. So, I told them about it to see if they could help."

"You talked to Rodney and Ronon about our discussion?" she asked him, figuring his word was as good as any other. She couldn't help but be surprised to hear he had willingly talked about anything related to feelings with the boys. John was not the type of man that would readily talk about feelings with anyone, not even with her. That had been the reason for their earlier 'discussion' after all. The fact that he had opened up to Rodney and Ronon and that they were on their way to finally talking about their relationship gave her hope.

"Yeah," he shrugged as they entered the clearing before the lake. She smiled inwardly when, without really thinking about it, he led her to the tree they always sat underneath of. "And it wasn't just those two; Jackson ended up joining our little party before long," he added as he sat down and leant back against the trunk.

"Dr. Jackson?" Teyla asked as her eyebrows rose, surprised once more. She sat down next to him, angling herself so that she was facing him.

"Yeah," John nodded. "He had a great time talking to Hallings, by the way; he was completely fascinated by the Athosian society."

"Of course he was," Teyla said in a 'that's obvious' tone of voice. "Why wouldn't he be? Athosian culture _is_ fascinating."

"Right," John grinned at her. "He said that despite being a fairly open society, you guys have a very traditional mindset when it comes to some values – like family and the role it plays in society."

"That is true," she concurred.

"He also mentioned something called a 'Union Ceremony'?" John mentioned, turning serious. "Actually, Ronon said it was called a 'Union Ceremony', Jackson just sort of alluded to it."

"Ah," Teyla said, not knowing what else she could say. And not entirely sure she liked the direction the conversation seemed to be taking.

"Ronon was surprised I hadn't heard of it," he commented, trying to sound casual. "I guess he thought you would have mentioned it." It was a statement but there was a note of question at the end of it.

"I might have," she cautiously said, "if I thought you were interested in talking about it."

"Oh," he said, "right. You know," he added, seemingly changing the subject, "both Ronon and McKay were surprised that you didn't know what you meant to me."

"John," she started to say but wasn't sure how to continue; not that he was waiting for her to say anything.

"They're right," he continued. It was obvious he was not completely comfortable with the conversation, as he looked around the ground, picked up a narrow stick and started fiddling with it, not looking up at her. "We've been together for over a year. You should not be questioning how I feel about you; you should already know that . . . though, I still can't figure out why you don't. I mean, it's not like the rest of the expedition doesn't know – heck, even Jackson seems," he stopped himself before he could continue, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Sorry, sorry. What I _mean_ to say is," he finally raised his eyes to look at her, "that we should have had this talk a long time ago. I should have made sure that you knew – it's just I'm not very good when it comes to talking about . . ."

"Feelings," she finished for him when he trailed off, reminiscent of the way she had done a year ago when they'd been on their way to Sateda to rescue Ronon.

"Yeah," he said with a pained half smile. "I need to do better, I know that. And it's you, after all; if I can't talk to you about this stuff, who can I talk to? . . ."

"John," she interrupted what was clearly on its way to being a painful, if heartfelt, ramble. "Stop. I am glad that you feel you can talk to me about anything but this is not just your fault. There are two of us in this relationship; I could and probably should have said something before."

"I admit I don't know as much about Athosian culture as Jackson seems to know now," he told her, "but from what I know, women don't initiate that kind of talk. That's something you guys share with Earth culture, actually."

"That is true," Teyla agreed. "However, I have been living in Atlantis for over four years now and, as you just said, we have been in a relationship for over a year. It would not have been amiss for me to bring up the subject. It is just that . . . well, things have been going well and I guess I did not want to . . ."

"Rock the boat," John finished for her. "That's what I thought too but if you're feeling insecure about me and our relationship . . . then, it's obvious things haven't been going as well as we thought."

"No," she shook her head. "I have not been feeling insecure," when he just gave her a look that said he didn't believe her, which she couldn't blame him for given their previous conversation, she added, "I know what I said. And I do not regret having said it because it is true, as far as it goes, but I do regret how I said it. It was not fair to you – or to our relationship. I do identify with Vala but I also know I am not in the same position as her."

"No, you're not," he stated firmly.

"For one thing," she continued, "I still have my people and a home. Vala does not."

"Yeah," John said, looking a little taken aback. "Though, that wasn't exactly what I was thinking about."

"No, I know that," she sighed. She had decided they needed to get everything out in the open but it was proving to be harder than she'd thought.

"The thing is Teyla," he said, deciding that it was time he actually said what he'd decided he would say. "The thing is . . . I love you," he finally said and saw her eyes widen in surprise before a beautiful smile took over her face. "I am in love with you and have been for, oh, practically the moment I saw you, I think." He finished and looked into her eyes; whoever had said that confession was good for the soul had no idea what he was talking about because that had been about the hardest thing John had ever had to do – and in the last four years John Sheppard had done a lot of hard things. Though, maybe he did feel a little lighter now that he'd finally told her.

"John Sheppard believes in love at first sight?" she teased and he couldn't help but grin back, even though she hadn't really answered his declaration.

"Yeah, well," he shrugged. "I said practically," he reminded her.

"That you did," she nodded. "I love you too," she finally said. At seeing how relieved he was, she wondered if maybe he too hadn't been completely sure his feelings were reciprocated. "I am in love with you and have been for a long time – practically since the moment we met."

"Really?" he asked, looking delighted. "Wait," he added with a frown as he remembered something. "I thought you said you weren't in love with me when you came and decided to stay in the city?"

"I did," she nodded. "I said 'practically'," she threw his words back at him and he grinned at her. "That does imply that it occurred sometime after we met, does it not?" she asked him with a raised eyebrow and a barely detectable smirk.

"Yes, it does," he answered with a laugh. "So, what now?" He asked her a few moments later.

"Now?" she repeated, shifting to lean against the trunk, her shoulder touching his. "Now we go on."

"Yeah," he nodded. "But where?"

"I guess," she answered slowly; as good as it had felt to say and hear 'I love you', this was the conversation they had needed to have. "That is what we now have to decide."

"Yeah," he said again. He was surprised at how relaxed and almost anticlimactic the whole declaration aspect of the conversation had been, despite how hard he'd found actually getting the words out. He supposed that just showed how comfortable they were with each other. "So, do you want to, you know, have a Union Ceremony?"

"John," she said softly. "I," she began and then shook her head. "I do not want anything you do not want." As much as she would love to unite her life with his and spend the rest of their lives together, she could not accept if the only reason he was suggesting it was because he thought it was what she wanted; he had to want it as well or it wouldn't work.

"Teyla," he said as he shifted around so that he was facing her. He leaned forward to take a hold of her hand and looked deeply into her eyes. "I would not have brought it up without thinking about it first – or if I didn't want it too. But I know it's not that easy; I mean I'm from Earth and sooner or later, I'm going to have to go back. I have to go where the Air Force sends me and your people are here and I know your place is with them so, getting . . . married when we might very well have to separate sometime in the future might not seem like the best idea, I'll understand if you don't . . ."

"John, John, stop!" she finally leaned forward and kissed him; it seemed the only sure way to get him to stop talking. A few very enjoyable moments later, she reluctantly pulled back. "Now, are you going to let me talk?" she asked and he nodded, still looking rather dazed. She couldn't help but be pleased that even after all this time her kisses still had the power to stall his mind. "I love my people and I will always worry about them and want what is best for them. But things have changed, as they always do – as they must and my place is no longer with my people but with you. I would be honored to participate in the Union Ceremony with you."

"Really?" he asked, looking just as delighted as he'd had when she told him she loved him.

"Yes," she nodded and he whooped before leaning forward and kissing her. They spent the next few minutes kissing and hugging, both glad that the talk they had been so nervous about had gone as well as they could have hoped.


	5. The Ceremony

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimers: **nope, I'm just playing with them and hopefully making them a little happier and more fulfilled than they were on the show.

**A/N: **Well, here it is: the climax of our little story. And only what? five years, almost to the date, after I first started it. Not too bad, is it? lol. At least it's done! Well, it's pretty much done. I know I promised to explore a bit more some of the things that I alluded to in Life After the SGC (I wonder if any of you that read that fic even remember those scenes). And I still intend to do that but, like I said before, this story can be considered complete with this chapter, everything else would be a bonus and in the form of an epilogue. I just wanted to give you guys some closure on this fic and since musie seems to be inspired more by Bones lately, I thought this was the best thing to do. I will try and get those scenes out as soon as I can. So, about this chapter, there's a lot going on. I thought about breaking it in two but decided to leave it as is because I think it flows pretty well and I didn't really see a natural stopping point, not one that would have left me with roughly two equals chapters, so you guys get it all in one massive chapter. Remember this goes AU after John and company come back from Earth when the Replicators defeat the Ancients; from that point on, I've taken the plot points from the show I liked and changed those I didn't. I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think. Pup helped with a lot of this chapter and I want to thank her for all her work. Unfortunately, she has since become super busy and the last little bit I've wrote and betaed on my own, so any mistakes are mine and no one else's. Now, on with the show and please let me know what you think!

When they finally came up for air, they were both grinning. John shifted to lean back and wrapped his arms around her.

"So," he said. "When do you want to do this?"

"I do not know," she said. "When would you like to do it?"

"Good question," he replied without answering. "Does the ceremony require a lot of preparations?"

"Not too much," she answered. "For the ceremony itself, all we need to do is form the circle, which does not take long at all. Mostly what takes time is getting the food and drinks ready for the celebration afterward."

"So, we could do it tonight?" he asked and she pushed back to look at his face in surprise .

"Tonight?" she repeated.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Why not? You said the only preparations that take time is the food and drink and that's already done. Everyone we care about on this or any world is already here, so why not? Why should we wait? You love me, I love you and we want to get married, so let's do it."

"But . . . but," she couldn't quite come up with a reason to disagree with him.

"But, but what?" he asked her, grinning.

"Could we do it?" she asked, wonderingly. He could tell the idea was growing on her. "Could we really do it, just like that?"

"Why not?" he shrugged. "What's stopping us? I mean, I don't exactly know what the ceremony requires but you say you just need to make a circle . . ."

"Yes," she nodded and then proceeded to explain what the ceremony entailed.

"That sounds very nice, actually," he told her. "I like it; and there's really no reason why we couldn't have it tonight."

"No, there is not," she said slowly as she thought that they really could have it that night. "But what about your military?"

"What about it?" he asked. "It's not like we need their permission, is it?"

"It is not?" she countered. "Was not the main reason we have been so discreet the fact that they would probably take me out of the team if they discovered that we have a personal, romantic relationship?"

"Well, yeah," he nodded.

"Nothing has really changed," she pointed out. "Would we not be risking the same if we go through with the ceremony tonight?"

"Not really," he shook his head. "I mean, the only way they would know about it would be if we told them. I'm not going to, are you?"

"No, of course not," she answered. "But if we have it tonight and we have the people from Atlantis present, one of them could."

"Yes," he agreed. "But no one has said anything up until now; I don't see why they would do so now. Nothing would really change. We'd go on as before except that we'd know that we're committed to spending the rest of our lives together. I actually like that thought. But even if they were to find out and separate us," he added with a soft look on his face, "wouldn't it be worth it? How long can we go on sneaking around? I don't mean we should go and flaunt our relationship, I really don't want you to leave the team but well, sooner or later we're going to have to deal with this. Sooner or later, we're going to have to come clean – would it be so bad if that was now?"

"No," she shook her head and grinned at him. "I do not want to leave the team either, but to be with you, to know we would be spending our lives together, it would be more than worth it."

"Yeah, I think so too," he nodded and grinned back.

"And you were right earlier," she told him. "I do have more responsibilities in the city than just those that come with my position on the team."

"Of course," he immediately agreed. "You took up all the slack when Elizabeth was lost," he reminded her. "And you've become Woolsey's right hand since he joined the city. The transition wouldn't have gone half as smoothly if it hadn't been for you."

"Thank you," she inclined her head in acknowledgment. "But Mr. Woolsey is a very capable man in his own right."

"Maybe," he shrugged. "But, without Elizabeth, you're our most experienced negotiator and diplomat."

"I do not think that is true," Teyla argued. "Mr. Woolsey can be quite diplomatic when he wants to be. And was not his job back on Earth something like a diplomat?"

"Not exactly," John answered. "He was more of an auditor than anything else. He went around investigating and then reporting back to the powers that be. But he was a lawyer, so I guess he has to know how to negotiate; either way, you're the one our allies know and you're the one with all the contacts in this galaxy."

"I suppose that is true," she conceded.

"Of course it is," he stated firmly. "You're an incredible asset to the city; Stargate Command would have to be crazy to let you go. They are not going to want to lose you. You would have a position in the city even if you were not on my team."

"It might be nice to be able to concentrate solely on the running of the city," she mused. "It has been a while since I have dealt only with . . . administrative tasks."

"You wouldn't miss going off world?" he asked, surprised that it sounded like she would be happy to stay in the city full time even though that was just what he had proposed. He knew he'd go nutty if he couldn't go off world anymore.

"I would," she nodded. "But I do not think I would like to be a member of another team full time," she admitted. "And I would probably still go off world for trading missions and the like. I think I would be okay with that and my duties in the city."

"If you're sure," he sounded a little unsure but she knew it was mostly for show and that he was happy she wouldn't be going off world without him and/or Ronon as backup. John had a thing about her or Rodney going off world by themselves – he was sure they would get in trouble. Which, given their history, wasn't a completely unfounded fear. Still, since he knew she could take care of herself, he would never actually say anything like that out loud.

"I am," she assured him, nodding.

"Okay, then; good," he said and she shot him a knowing look. "So, we won't flaunt but we won't really hide, either. And if it does come up, we'll deal with it," it wasn't exactly a statement as he was asking for her opinion.

"Agreed," she nodded.

"While we're on this subject," he said and she was intrigued to see that he was somewhat nervous again. He hesitated as he realized that the way he'd asked her about the Union Ceremony hadn't exactly been romantic. Every woman deserved a romantic proposal, didn't they? Especially someone as special as Teyla since, if he had anything to say about it, this would be the only time she talked about Union Ceremonies, marriages and spending the rest of her life with anyone. So, yeah, she deserved more than a half-assed 'do you, you know, want' kind of question. With a deep breath, he took both her hands and said, "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you do me the honor of agreeing to also marrying me the Earth way?"

"John," she said softly, blinking back tears. She shouldn't be surprised that he wanted an Earth ceremony along with an Athosian one; he had always accepted her culture while introducing her to his. "It would be my honor to be your wife," she told him, using the Earth term.

"Good, good," he said, nodding. As happy as he'd been when she'd agreed to the Union Ceremony, she could feel he was even more excited about the prospect of marrying her. Which was as it should be since the Earth ceremony had to mean more to him than the Athosian one; she knew the opposite was true for her. "I'll see what I can find out about you staying with the team regardless; after all, you're not in the military. We'll probably have to wait awhile for it but . . ."

"That would be fine," she told him. But she knew it would happen as soon as he could arrange it.

"Okay, well," he jumped up and reached down to pull her up. "Let's go talk to Halling and arrange for the ceremony we can have tonight."

"Alright," she laughed as she followed him back to the camp. Before they reached the edge of the clearing, he stopped and turned to look at her with a frown.

"Are you sure?" he asked her.

"Yes, I am," she answered firmly, frowning up at him and wondering about the sudden question.

"It's just that," he shifted his feet and shrugged. "It seems to me that I'm taking everything and you're the one sacrificing everything."

"I am not sacrificing anything," she denied, shaking her head.

"You're the one that would have to leave the team if it comes to that," he reminded her. "And you're the one that would have to leave her people behind and go live in a strange galaxy if or when I'm reassigned."

"I do not consider either of those things sacrifices," she told him. "Yes, I would miss being on the team but I would still see you and the guys all the time and would have other challenges to take up my time. And yes, leaving my people behind would be hard but it would be worth it because I am gaining a life by your side. And you're giving up something too."

"I am?" he queried, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Your single status," she told him. "Your independence; your ability to make decisions about the future by yourself as all those decision will now affect both of us. And you're losing your right to flirt with every pretty alien woman we run across," she added. "You can no longer be Kirk." She told him; using the name she'd heard Rodney use more than once and which she knew he objected to.

"I'm not Kirk," he protested as if on cue. "I haven't flirted since we got together. As for losing my independence and single status – they're overrated, not to mention, you're losing them too."

"And I am sure I will not miss them," she said. "Can you not feel that I am sure? That I have never been as sure of anything? I can feel how sure you feel," being able to feel it really cut off any insecurity she might have felt. "Can you not feel the same?"

"So," he said slowly, nodding. "It's not just me, then?" He'd suspected but hadn't known for sure.

"No, it is not," she agreed.

"That's something else we need to talk about," he sounded resigned about the fact that the conversations about feelings weren't over.

"Yes," she agreed, hiding a grin at his tone. "But let us leave it for another time, shall we? We have quite a lot to get done tonight," she reminded him. "Besides, I think we have had our quota of 'heavy' conversations for one night, have we not?"

"See," he shook his finger at her, grinning. "That's why I love you. You get me – you really do."

"That I do," she agreed again. "Now, I believe we were on our way to find Halling?"

"Yes, let's go." Keeping his hold on her hand, he led the way back to the camp.

Fifteen minutes later, they finished telling Hallings about their intention to have a Union Ceremony.

"Congratulations," Hallings told them as he shook John's hand as he seen the people from Earth do before he turn to Teyla, gripped her shoulders and touched his forehead to hers in the traditional Athosian gesture. "I am very happy for both of you; I am sure you will be most happy together."

"Thank you, Hallings," Teyla smiled at him. "It would mean a lot to me – to us to have you be the one that preside over the ceremony."

"I would be honored to preside over the ceremony," Hallings agreed with an even wider smile than before.

"Great," John nodded. "It wouldn't be the same without you. Hey, Ronon and Rodney are over there," he added, pointing to the side. "I'm just going to go over then and . . ."

"John," Teyla said in a warning tone.

"I know, I know," he said with a wave as he turned to walk away. "I'll bring them here so that we can tell them the news together."

"He seems to be well trained already," Hallings remarked with amusement as he and Teyla saw John walk towards Ronon and Rodney.

"I do not think that John Sheppard can be 'trained'," she denied, keeping her head on John. She then turned with a wicked gleam in her eye and a barely there smile on her face. "However, he does know what he should and shouldn't do – and he even acts accordingly on occasion." Her voice was so matter of fact that it took Hallings a couple of seconds to realize what she meant. When she did, he threw his head back and laughed out loud.

"I'm glad you have finally come to terms with things," he told her when he stopped laughing. "It is good to see you so certain of your path once more."

"It is good to feel certain of it once more," she assured him. "You were right," she added quietly, "I was being torn in two and that is no way to live. My future does lie with John but that was not easy to accept."

"I imagine it was not," Hallings agreed. "Accepting it would have meant accepting your life was never again going to be what it once was or what you had once thought it was going to be."

"Yes," she nodded. "My life is certainly not what I had expected but it is good and I am happy with it."

"I'm glad," he said. "Being happy is what really matters. I am happy for you."

"Thank you old friend," she told him with a soft smile.

"Well, I better go and retrieve the gatestones for the circle," she said. "I assume that you will want the ceremony to take place by the lake?"

"Yes," she answered.

"I will get them and head over to the lake now then," he told her. "Should I start spreading the news now or would you like to do it yourself?"

"We want to tell Rodney and Ronon first," Teyla answered after a few seconds of thought, "but if you wouldn't mind starting . . ?"

"Not at all," Hallings shook his head. "We will start for the lake and begin building the circle," he added. The Athosians believed that the Union Ceremony was not only a celebration for the couple but for the whole village; as such, it was tradition that the family and friends of the happy couple assembled the circle to be used.

"Thank you," she nodded. "I want to ask Jinto and Menna to be gatekeepers."

"I am sure they would be pleased and honored," he smiled. "I will tell them you want to speak with them. I have a trunk of your parents' things; I thought you might like to see if there is something of your mother's for you to wear for the ceremony."

"I . . . I would like that very much; thank you, Hallings," Teyla said in a husky voice.

"You are welcome," Hallings smiled. "I will tell Jinto and Menna you want to speak with them and to wait for you in my tent. I will leave the trunk out for you to go through after you talk to them."

"That will be fine," she agreed. "I will see you later." With a final nod, Hallings walked towards his tent. Before he was out of sight, John, Ronon and Rodney walked back up to Teyla.

"Hey, Teyla," Rodney said as he stepped in front of Teyla. "Sheppard says you guys have something to tell us?"

"Yes, Rodney," Teyla answered, smiling. "We do have some news."

"Did you forgive Sheppard here for being so dense?" Rodney grinned at John before looking back at Teyla.

"Yes, Rodney, I did," she replied. "It turns out that he is not quite so dense, after all," she grinned at John before she turned to their two best friends. "In fact, he has asked me to participate in the Union Ceremony and I have accepted."

"Huh?" Rodney asked, his jaw hanging open in surprise. "Do you mean like . . . marriage? You guys are getting married?"

"In the Athosian way," John nodded. "Yes, we are."

"Congratulation!" Ronon, who had started grinning the minute Teyla had made announcement, rushed forward and lifted Teyla in a bear hug. "I'm very happy for you guys. I knew you weren't a complete moron," he said as he turned to John and clapped him on the back. The only reason John didn't end up face down on the ground was all of the sparring sessions he and Ronon had engaged in the last few years. "I know you'll be very happy together. And you better be good to her or you'll answer to me." He wasn't kidding.

"Thanks buddy," John told him. "And you don't need to worry about Teyla; I'll take good care of her."

"I know you will," Ronon nodded.

"Rodney," Teyla said, looking at the unusually quiet scientist and ignoring the 'macho display' going on next to them. "What are you thinking?"

"I . . . congratulations," Rodney said, with half a smile. "Are you sure you want to take him on for good, though?" he asked her.

"Funny, Rodney," John drawled. "Very funny."

"I'm just saying," Rodney shrugged. "I'm happy for you guys; I'm sure you'll be very happy together."

"Thank you, Rodney," Teyla smiled at him while John put his arm around her shoulders. "I am sure we will be." When Rodney just shrugged again and half turned his head away, Teyla frowned and tilted her head. "What is wrong, Rodney?"

"Wrong?" Rodney asked. "Nothing's wrong." But his body language screamed that something was bothering him and his team knew him well enough to notice.

"Rodney," John said with a light frown. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's…" Rodney started to deny anything was wrong again but John cut him off.

"Come on, Rodney," John cut in. "It's obvious something's bothering you. So, what is it?"

"It's just that with you two getting married," he began, "what does that mean for the team?"

"For the team?" Ronon asked. "Or for you?"

"You know, McKay," John said at the same time, "this is one situation that has nothing to do with you – at all. Tonight should actually be about us, Teyla and me; definitely not you."

"What are you yelling at me for?" Rodney asked, frowning at John. "You're the one that asked me!"

"So we did," Teyla said before an argument could develop. "And it is a valid question; tonight is about John and me but the four of us are a team and the decisions that John and I make can affect all of us."

"So, how will it affect us?" Rodney asked again and this time even Ronon looked interested in the answer.

"The truth is," John said with a sigh, "we're not sure. We don't plan on breaking up the team and Teyla is not military, so we're not breaking any rules but the final decision will be up to the higher ups."

"What'll happen if they don't agree with you?" Rodney asked. "About you being together not breaking the rules?" John and Teyla shared a look before she answered.

"In that case," Teyla told them, "I will leave the team and concentrate on helping Mr. Woolsey with administrative and diplomatic matters."

"You won't be on the team anymore? Rodney asked.

"You're okay with not going offworld anymore?" Ronon asked.

"I would be sad to leave the team," she told them. "But we will see each other often as we will always be good friends. As for going off-world, I am sure there would be opportunities for that. But whatever I might be losing would more than be made up for what I am gaining. This is a good thing," she added when Ronon and Rodney didn't look convinced. "And I am happy with our decision; please be happy for us."

Rodney and Ronon shared a looked before Ronon stepped forward and enveloped her in another hug. Rodney, not one to hug, just nodded and wished them congratulations once more; this time sounding much more enthusiastic.

"Well, now that that's taken care of," John said, sharing a look with Teyla. "There's something we … Teyla would like to ask." He nodded to Teyla, "Teyla?" She gave him a playfully exasperated look before smiling at her teammates.

"We would be honored," she told them with a sweet smile, "If you would agree to be part of our ceremony." While Ronon grinned at them and looked to be about to hug them for the third time, Rodney sputtered in surprise.

"Part of the … what you mean like be best man?" he asked.

"It's not an Earth wedding, Rodney," John corrected him, rolling his eyes.

"I know that … but still," Rodney mumbled.

"You want us to be gatekeepers?" Ronon asked, ignoring the byplay between John and Rodney.

"Yes," Teyla nodded and Ronon lifted her up in a bear hug yet again. "John's gatekeepers."

"I'd be honored," he told them, looking at John, as he put her down.

"Gatekeepers?" Rodney asked. "What does that mean? Do we have to do something? Is it anything like being the best man?" he asked again and John rolled his eyes again.

"You'll be standing up for us," John told him. "So, yes, I guess in a way it is like that."

"So, do we have to do something?" he insisted.

"We just have to place the stones in their place," Ronon told him and Rodney stared at him.

"We have to move rocks?" he asked, incredulous.

"It's symbolic, Rodney," Teyla told him calmly. "Gatekeepers are the people closest to the couple – family or friends, who support them and help them along the journey of life."

"So, we _don't_ move rocks?" Rodney asked again a few moments later and had John rolling his eyes again.

"Rodney," John said impatiently, "Do you want to be a part of if or not?"

"Of course I want to," Rodney answered in his 'don't be an idiot' voice. "I just want to know what I'll be doing."

"That is understandable, Rodney," Teyla told him. "The gatekeepers' role during the ceremony …" she began but was distracted by Menna waving at her; she waved back and was torn about continuing the explanation and going over to where Menna and Jinto were waiting for her.

"You need to go?" Ronnon asked her.

"Ah, yes," she nodded. "I still have to ask Vala, Menna and Jinto if they want to be gatekeepers then I have to get ready and John," she added, glancing over at him, "has to find Carson and ask him and then he wants to go back to the city…"

"And what?" Rodney smirked. "Get all prettied out?"

"McKay," John said in a warning tone but McKay just waved the warning away. It's been a while since he'd been intimidated by Sheppard.

"What? I'm just saying," he shrugged. "And if you both have to leave, who's going to explain what I'm supposed to do?"

"I will," Ronnon said and everyone looked at him in surprise. "I know enough about the ceremony to explain it to McKay."

"Are you sure, buddy?" John asked him. It didn't feel exactly right to leave the explaining to Ronnon but they did have a few things to do to get ready for the ceremony.

"Sure," Ronnon shrugged. "And he won't mind, will you, McKay?" he asked, slapping McKay on the shoulder.

"No, no," McKay shook his head. "I guess that'll work."

"Ok, then," John nodded after sharing another glance with Teyla. "We'll leave you to it. I'll be back in half an hour, forty minutes tops; and I'll find Carson and ask him," he told Teyla.

"Alright," Teyla nodded. "That sounds fine; I should be ready by then."

"Are they setting up by the lake?" Ronnon asked and Teyla nodded. "We'll see you there when you're ready." With last nods all around, Rodney and Ronnon left for the lake. John, after a slight hesitation, leaned over and gave Teyla a short kiss – probably their first public kiss. With a shy grin, John said bye and left. Teyla stared after him with a bemused grin before she too turned and walked away.

On the way to the lake, Ronnon explained how the Athosian Union Ceremony as at its core very simple but very symbolic. The ceremony itself was rather short. It consisted of an officiatant, usually Hallings, saying a few words about the meaning of the ceremony in general and about the couple in particular; then, the couple would enter the circle of stones and, facing each other, would bind their arms together before promising to spend the rest of their lives together.

"This circle of stone," Rodney said, interrupting Ronnon, "that's where having to move rocks comes in, isn't it?"

"Yes," Ronnon confirmed and added with a grin, "But don't worry; they're usually small stone." He then explained that the whole village got together to create the circle, which resembled the Stargate as a way to honored the Ancestors and asked for their guidance and blessing for the couple. The circle was made with stones that were picked from around the site where the couple chose to have the ceremony; except for the stones that would closed the four gates, which coincided with the four cardinal points, during the ceremony – those stones were the same ones the Athosians had used in Union Ceremonies for generations.

"Let me guess," Rodney interrupted once again, "as gatekeepers we're the ones that closed these gates?"

"We close one of them, yeah," Ronnon nodded. "We'll be Sheppard's gatekeepers so we'll be closing his gate."

"His gate?" Rodney asked with a frown.

"Yeah," Ronnon answered. "Each of the four gates has its own meaning. The south gate represents the past, those that have come and gone before the couple; that gate is closed right after the officiant starts the ceremony. The east and west gates are the way the man and woman enter the circle and are closed by their respective gatekeepers right after the couple steps into the circle. And the north gate is the way the couple leaves the circle; that gate is closed throughout the ceremony and the stones are moved by the couple themselves right before they stepped out and closed again afterwards. The whole ceremony is supposed to represent the fact that the couple entered the circle as individuals that bring with them their own past and experiences but whom, after choosing to spend their lives together, leave it as a unit." Ronnon finished giving the same explanation that had been giving to him when he asked about the ceremony.

"That sounds pretty cool, actually," Rodney said, sounding surprised, as they entered the clearing before the lake to see pretty much the whole village busy choosing, picking and placing the stones they picked in a circular pattern.

"It's a very moving ceremony," Ronnon, who was not an overly emotional guy but had been present for a handful of ceremonies, admitted. "The couple keeps the ribbon they used to bind their arms in place for a week after," he added.

"But surely they don't keep their arms bound for a week?" Rodney exclaimed.

"Of course not," Ronnon scoffed. "Cutting the ribbon is part of the ceremony; they do it right after they finished wrapping their arms together and speaking their promises. I told you; it's all symbolic. The tied arms represent their decision to join their lives but because they freely choose to do so they don't need to remain tied together. Keeping the ribbon around their arms for a week is just another way to indicate their newly joined status. Most couples keep wearing at least a part of the ribbon for pretty much the rest of their lives."

"Sort of like we wear wedding rings," Rodney commented.

"Yeah," Ronnon nodded. "Now, let's go pick some nice rocks and help finish the circle." With a slap on Rodney's shoulder, Ronnon walked ahead to the river's bank to look for stones. Rodney looked around for a bit before also deciding the river bank was probably the best place to start his own search.

John kept his eyes opened as he walked away from the campsite, looking for Carson. He was just going to start asking if anyone had seen him when he heard his name being called.

"Colonel," Carson said as he came up to where John was.

"Doc," John told him, smiling. "I was just looking for you."

"Really?" Carson asked. "Does it have anything to do with the rumor that's going around the camp?"

"If it's about Teyla and me and the Union Ceremony, then yes," John answered with a nod and a playful smile.

"So, it is true?" Carson asked, sounding pleasantly surprised. "I wasn't sure whether to believe it or not."

"Believe it," John told him. "We decided that it was time to make a firm commitment."

"Well, I'm happy for you both; I'm sure you'll be very happy," Carson said, echoing everyone's sentiment.

"Thanks, doc," John nodded. "I was just on my way back to the city to change into something more …," he hesitated and looked down the jeans and well worn sweatshirt he was wearing, "appropriate to wear. But I wanted to see you because … well, Teyla and I, we wanted to ask if you'd like to be part of the ceremony?"

"You mean be a gatekeeper?" Carson asked.

"Yeah," John looked at Carson in surprise. "You know what that is?"

"Sure," Carson shrugged. "I know quite a bit about Athosian rituals and ceremonies. Though I admit I know more than a bit about the Union Ceremony; I guess it's the romantic in me."

"Yeah, well, you are a romantic," John agreed but he sounded distracted. "It just seems like everyone knew about this ceremony but me." His tone was somewhat bitter and had Carson looked over at him in concern. He didn't really know what had gone on earlier that night but he had heard about the colonel's and Teyla's tiff from Rodney and was part of the reason why he'd been surprised to then hear the rumors about them having the Union Ceremony. But whatever the fight had been about, the fact that they were having the ceremony meant that they had resolved it. And still, Carson had a feeling that that was the source of John's current disquiet.

"Well, you know about it now," was the most reassuring he could be without exactly what was wrong. "That's what counts, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," John nodded before shaking it off. "So, you in?"

"Yes, of course," Carson eagerly agreed. "I assume I'd keep the south gate?" he asked, knowing that Rodney and Ronnon would more than likely be on John's gate and that Teyla would be asking a couple of her girlfriends.

"Yes, is that okay?" John asked, a little hesitant given what that gate represented and Carson's recent experiences.

"Aye, it's alright and very fitting too," Carson nodded. There'd been an incident a few months back during a mandated day of rest and Carson, following his calling, had been gravely injured trying to help those injured. He'd been lucky enough to survive but his injury had been severe enough that he'd been sent to Earth for a few months to recuperate; no one had liked the idea of Carson leaving but the truth was that Atlantis was not equipped to deal with his kind of injury. During his time away Doctor Keller had taken over as CMO, much to her chagrin. But she'd done such a good job that Carson had decided that two CMO's were better than one as it would give both of them more time to devote to their research. Jennifer hadn't been too keen on the idea but had agreed to it in the end. "I'm only sad Elizabeth won't be there," Carson added. "I know she was very happy you were together and would have been ecstatic for you guys."

"Yes," John said somberly. "She will be missed." Elizabeth had been lost a few weeks after Carson had been taken to Earth. Though her sacrifice had helped safe Atlantis from being stranded in the middle of nowhere, her loss had been one of the most difficult for the members of the expedition to assimilate.

"Her absence is most felt on day of celebration like today," Carson noted on a heavy sigh.

"Yes," Johan agreed once more. As always, John was not comfortable talking about such heavy emotional topics.

"Well," Carson said, knowing better than to push for more. "I'll let you go get ready. Are they setting up by the lake?"

"Yes," John answered. "Rodney and Ronnon should already be there, helping set up."

"I'll head there myself then," with a slap on John's shoulder and a grin, Carson turned and headed for the lake. John thought briefly about how much he and Teyla would have liked Elizabeth to be there before he turned and resumed his walk to the jumper.

A bit more than half an hour later, John came back from Atlantis, having changed into a nice pair of black trousers and a green shirt that was a favorite of Teyla's – apparently because it brought out his eyes. He looked around for Teyla as he entered the camp before starting for the tent he thought she'd be in. However, before he could get there, Vala came hurrying towards him.

"John!" she smiled at him. "I was just looking for you."

"Well, you found me," he told her distractedly, still looking around. "Have you seen Teyal?"

"That's just what I wanted to talk to you about," Vala informed him.

"What do you mean?" John frowned at her, not liking the sound that.

"Nothing bad," Vala assured him. "I just wanted to let you know that she won't walk with you to the ceremony."

"What? Why?" he asked, the frown turned into a glare as he really didn't like the sound of that.

"You know it's bad luck for the groom to see bride before the wedding," Vala told him.

"That's for Earth weddings," John said with forced patience. "We are not on Earth, this is not an Earth wedding and Teyla's not even from Earth."

"But you are," she argued. "And Teyla thought it'd be a good idea to incorporate some of your own traditions." Well, Teyla had agreed when Vala had suggested but it was almost the same thing. "So, run along to the lake; we'll be there shortly. Teyla's just about ready." And with that and a wave and a wink, Vala was gone.

John thought about following her and trying to force his way in to see Teyla but then he remembered that part of being a military commander was knowing when to execute a strategic retreat. So, with a sigh, he turned and started for the lake. On his way, he ran into Hallings, who gave him the ribbon they would be using during the ceremony.

When finally he got to the lake, he found that the circle had been completed and that just about the entire village and most of the personnel from Atlantis that had been on the mainland for the feast were there.

There had really been no chance of them keeping it quiet; not that that had been realistic to begin with. Even Woolsey, who was stuck on the city, seemed to know something was going on.

John walked towards the group of people, noticing that they had left a free space along each of the four entrances. He smiled and nodded at all the good wishes and pats on the back he received as he walked through them on his way to meet Rodney and Ronon.

"Hey," he told them and they nodded back.

"So," McKay said with a smirk. "You all prettied out now?'

"Shut up, McKay," John told him and Rodney rolled his eyes and grinned while Ronon looked away to hide his smirk.

"So, where's Teyla?" he asked a few moments later. "I thought you guys were coming together."

"She'll be along in a minute," John answered. "Apparently, it's bad luck to see me before the ceremony starts."

"What?" Rodney frowned in confusion. "That's an Earth superstition; why would Teyla follow it? How does she even know about it?"

"Not sure," John shrugged. "Though I'm pretty sure it was more Vala's idea than Teyla's." He looked around the circle and clapped his hands, "so, you guys had fun helping make the circle?"

"Oh, yeah, lots of fun," Rodney shrugged before he proceeded to complain of just about everything, from the cool temperature of the night to the scrape knuckles he got picking the stones to the pain in his back he got from so much bending.

John rolled his eyes and shared a smirk with Ronon while they left Rodney rant away, which continued until the mutterings among the people gathered signaled that Teyla had arrived.

"Looks like this is it," John told them and after taking a deep breath, he motioned that it was time to get into place. He stepped forward and walked along the 'aisle' that was formed by the people between the gates. He stopped a few inches short of the opened east gate with Rodney and Ronon flanking him behind.

A few moments later, they could see Teyla, with Vala and Menna behind her, walking along the aisle across from them. She was wearing an Athosian dress, which consisted of a leather corset and a russet color top and with a darker skirt that greatly resembled the one she used when they sparred, just a softer and more elegant one.

"My fellow Athosians," Hallings said, starting the ceremony, and everyone immediately fell quiet, "Lantean friends – we have come together this night to participate in and celebrate the union of Teyla Emmagan of Athos and John Sheppard of Atlantis and Earth." He nodded at Jinto and Carson standing by the south gate who picked the two flat stones that stood by its side and carefully placed them across it – firmly sealing it. They then took a couple of steps back and, standing with their legs opened and their hands behind their back, took the sentry position at each corner of their gate.

"This ceremony commemorates the decision two people take to spend their lives together; a decision that should not be taken without careful consideration as once made, this commitment can not be broken. But those of us that have been privileged to observe how Teyla and John's relationship has grown have no doubt about the rightness of their being together and pledging their lives to each other. We only have one question: what took them so long?" That question, unlike the solemnity of the rest of his speech, was made with a grin which elicited chuckles and nods in agreement from those gathered.

"John Sheppard," Hallings said a few moments later, quieting the amusement and bringing back the gravity the ceremony deserved, "has been a true and loyal friend to us Athosians from the moment he walked into our camp. He has defended us and protected us, shedding his own blood and that of his people in doing so. He is an honorable, loyal and generous man; a man worthy of our respect, who has helped and given us many advantages. He is not perfect, no man is, but I am certain that any mistake he's made came from doing what he thought was right. We have long considered him an honorary Athosian and, after this union, we are happy to formally welcome him as one of us."

When he finished, he nodded at John, who was blushing furiously and trying not to look as overwhelmed as he felt. Teyla smiled tenderly at him before turning to look at Halling, who was speaking once more.

"Teyla Emmagan has led us with kindness, generosity, patience and wisdom far beyond her years. She has dedicated her life to the protection, safety and well-being of our camp and has sacrificed much in that endeavor. Her life took an unexpected turn when the Lanteans came into our lives - no one would have predicted that she would ever leave us. But the opportunity, the hope that the Lanteans brought was too great to be ignored. Her time in the city of the Ancestors has broadened her perspective on life; and as much as she'll always be one of us, as much as she'll always fight for our benefit, her destiny is no longer tied to ours. And we, all of us, wish her joy in the path she now embarks on."

Teyla nodded at Hallings in thanks, blinking the tears that had sprung to her eyes. Though she had accepted that she was never going to live with her people again, hearing and feeling the whole camp accept and support that decision was more than a little overwhelming. She opened her eyes wide and looked up at the sky for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking back at John.

They shared a smile before taking a couple of steps forward until there was barely a few inches separating them. They gripped each other's forearms and leaned their foreheads against each other in the typical Athosian greeting. They stayed that way as they breathed together and concentrated solely in each other. They straightened up sometime later and keeping the eye contact, John reached into his pants pocket and withdrew the ribbon that Hallings had given him. With a deep breath, he began reciting the ritual words that he'd had less than a couple of hours to memorized.

"As we work together to bind our arms," he said as together they wrapped the ribbon from his shoulder down his arm and over where her hand was grasping his forearm until they reached her wrist.

"So shall we work together through adversity and advantage," she finished as they continued wrapping the ribbon over where his hand grasped her forearm and up to her shoulder.

When they were done, they looked at each other and holding their free hands up to the other's chest, right above the heart, they finished together, "throughout our lives together."

They then crouched down and picked up the knives that had been left in the middle of the circle.

"We now cut the binds that unite us physically but the ribbon that stays behind," John recited as he cut through the ribbons that crossed his arm.

"Symbolizes the bonds that unite us emotionally, spiritually and mentally," Teyla continued as she finished cutting the ribbon. The ribbons were made of a special material which adhered to their arms, preventing it from falling even after they cut it.

"Those bonds will unite us from now on until our deaths," they once again finished together. They stayed facing each other, their eyes locked, holding hands a moment longer before as one they turned and walked to the north gate. They bent down and each moved a stone from the gate to the side; they then straightened up and, once more holding hands, they walked through the now opened gate. They stopped a few steps beyond it and, again as one, turned, bent and replaced the stones across the gate – creating a fully formed and sealed circle.

When they turned around, they were joined according to Athosian tradition and soon after were surrounded by all the people wanting to congratulate them. The celebratory mood lasted well into the night as the happy couple celebrated their union with their closest friends.

**A/N2:** So, that's it. A few additional things I want to say. First, it is very hard, for me at least, to describe physical movement or a setting, I am much more comfortable describing emotional motivations or writing dialogue, so I really hope the ceremony came out clear and that you guys liked it. It is also hard to come up with a wholly new 'wedding' ceremony and keeping it free of references to a western earth wedding. Please, let me know if I succeded. As for the plot points I kept and those I changed. I'm sure there will be some that ask why I didn't keep Elizabeth when I kept Carson and I don't know if I have a good reason, it's just how the story came to me. If you write, you know that sometimes things come to you one way and you just have to go with the flow and if you don't write, trust me - I have to go with what the voices in my head want :) And the story came to me this way probably because we see Carson in seasons 4 and 5, he's still a part of the Atlantis universe while Elizabeth completely ceased to be one. While I write AU to make my ships come to life, I do like to keep as close to cannon as possible, which migth have some of you wondering why I have Woolsey on Atlantis on season 4 and not 5. That is a simlpe answer, which you migth know if you read Life, and that simple answer is that I like Sam on Earth because I want her with Jack. I think that's all I wanted to say. I do hope you drop me a line and let me know what you think of this chapter. I worked on it a long time - because though I haven't updated this fic in years, I have worked on it on and off all that time and I spent a lot of time on this chapter, the ceremony in particular. So, please let me know what you thought!


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